Ambitiously Yours ;)

Most of the time when i am awake, my mind is abuzz with thousands of questions...some trivial, some philosophical, some mundane, some futuristic, some dwelling upon my past and some plain questions for no reason at all! one of such questions originated in my mind when i joined Patni as a fresher.. at 21, i was fresh out of college & managing day to day work was more than enough to keep a lot of questions away, this particular question then arose with respect to some of my female colleagues. Three years later, now, its no longer with respect to someone else...Now i face this question a lot myself & i cant feel any less amused or baffled. ( i know contradictory but thats my middle name ;))

why is it ok for a man to be ambitious, even ruthlessly so but its a huge put off for a woman to even think about it? Why is she termed as unfeminine if she is career oriented?

I receive a lot of incredulous looks when i say i am ambitious & i want to become VP of Patni's V&V Center of Excellence someday. i say so out of the confidence that i have it in me to get there. i am ready to put all my waking hours in my work & duties, to learn those extra special skills to become a good leader, a manager thereof. I am willing to keep my personal life on a side burner if not the back burner to be able to manage my professional space...and so on!
but it does not convince others.

Some think something is missing with me (may be a better chunk of brain ;)), some feel i am deviating from my natural maternal instincts (!), some wonder aloud if i come from a dysfunctional family to have such an aversion (?) towards a beautiful & universally acknowledged institution such as marriage(!!). some call me a machine devoid of feelings thats a pre-requisite of having a family. Some call me plain eccentric!
often i am tempted to give it back to them but i dont do it. Its wastage of time anyways.
our mental conditioning right from the time we are born is to believe that a man is the bread winner & the woman is for the family & home.
i would not challenge or question this age old belief cause this is what has made this world as balanced as it is today but then man has stopped being just the 'breadwinner' ages ago. Hasnt he?
He wants to excel in whatever he do. He is not merely satisfied with what he earns or what he conquers. There is always a demand for more, a competition for many. Sky is the limit!
Woman has also left her house to earn the butter for her breadwinner's bread... is it wrong now for her to think a little ahead & want to do better for herself?

Those who think that a better chunk of my brains is missing, i want to tell that its not missing. Its busy working on something thats so much more important than an inane discussion about my future that has to be as a woman!
For those who think i am deviating...well i am not! my maternal instincts are pretty much alive & kicking when i am around kids. I play with them, i spoil them rotten, i be a good 'maushi' or cool 'aatya'. Its not that my maternal instincts dry up the moment i think about my next meeting or assignment.
To add to the record, i do NOT come from a dysfunctional family. My parent's marriage is the best marriage i have ever seen. All the communication courses that i grudgingly had to undergo during my training suck big time when i see them communicating daily...sometimes without words. They are so very well arranged around each other that when they move, its like watching a whole piece move & not its two components. therefore i can never give up on the idea of marriage or counter-question its sanctity.

AND i do have feelings & emotions. Rather too many of them that i could spare a few ;)
I work passionately. Clocks stop chiming around me when i am busy working. i forget my luncheons & dinners, i forget my medicines, i forget my break times, i forget my pack up time..
so is Passion not a feeling? rather if i were devoid of it, i wouldnt have made it till this far!
i still go weak kneed when i see Robert Pattinson (not with Kristen Stuart though :( ), i still feel teleported to another world when i am reading Harry Potter. I still feel mesmerized with Hobbits. I am still in awe with Edward & Bella. I still curse as loudly as i can when there is a Ind vs Pak cricket or hockey match, i still sob uncontrollably when i have to go out of town to stay away from my parents & when i am watching last season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Mon & chandler talk about relocating. I still sing in the shower & blast out a Linkin Park song. I still want to be left buried in my bed, early in the morning when i am dreaming of my lavish wedding. I still go all awwww when i see cooing babies & soft toys, i still laugh out loud when a well timed joke is cracked, i still love to gossip & comment on someone else's dressing sense. i still feel motherly towards all my girlfriends when they are going through break ups or nasty PMS. I still love to dress up occasionally to attend a party. I still love to check out guys & wonder how would they be as boyfriends. I still feel all tingly when i am reading Pride & Prejudice or Helen Fielding. I still am curious enough to finish one Dan Brown's in single night. I still feel proud when i see my father being happy for all my achievements.

My ambitions do not make me any less of a girl than what i already have been but dont understand why people are confused about Ambition & feminity co-existing together!

To those who think i am eccentric, i have nothing to say. I am happy to be the way i am. Thank You very much! :)

I am 24 & i will get married when the time & the man is correct. I wouldnt want to make a career out of my marriage. I would keep them separate. I would get married to have a companion for lifetime & not to have a well earning husband who can fend for me. I would get married to someone who would respect my career as much as his. I would get married to someone whose career decision would not jeopardize mine. If ever, i felt like quitting my career for the sake of my babies, i would do so but it would be my will & my decision. It would not be forced down upon me. Till the time i find a man secure enough to allow me all of the above, i would wait happily & bask in the glory that has come with hard earned rewards at work.

I would gladly cook & clean but its because i want to do that for my loved ones, my family & not because i am born as a woman.
I will be a good wife, an excellent mother, a daughter to my in laws but all this will come more naturally to me if i am secure in my own space, when i am on terms with my inner self. When i am not left longing for a career that i could have had. When i wont feel something amiss while seeing other working women. When i would know for sure that i have been there & done that...When i wouldnt feel sorry for myself of giving up on my dream of making it big... I wouldnt mind giving up on my career once i make it, once i test my mettle against all odds but first let me reach there. Marriage and sorts can wait till then :)


  1. Well said, Sister. But to tell you the truth, everyone wants a career oriented woman, the men won't stop you from pursuing it. But they expect you to be a super woman for that matter. You cannot take decisions of your own once you are married; tell me girl, today you can easily go to Texas and don't need someone's approval, except maybe your manager's who approves your travel!But a married woman has to first seek your husband's approval and then your in-laws. Its a virtue to want to excel in life and test your mettle, but an Indian guy isn't man enough to marry such a girl! Find yourself a true global citizen while your life gives you the opportunities to see the global culture.

  2. Well there are too many facets for everything. And one's perception depends on the environment the person has been brought up. If you have always seen a woman excelling and no one stopping, taunting, commenting ,lamenting for rest of the things the woman is not able to manage, You will keep a positive outlook. The perceptions you have come across are of the rest of the type of people.

    Not sure what I think has entirely come in the same words.. But I know you will understand :)

  3. @ Sonali,

    You are right! Men do want their women to have a career..but not all of them are ready to pay the price.
    My wife is an engineer, My wife is a doctor.. sounds cool when a man brags about his wife to his friends and colleagues..but it stops right there..
    The moment he realize that she is better than him, she is being promoted before he is, her pay package is more..they do get jealous...
    No matter she is just as well qualified as he is, she should serve him his tea..she should take days off to look after the sick kid..
    Its not that women dont have it in them to become CEOs and CFOs..they are born managers on the other hand..but we still see very few women making it to that level because they have so many things to take care of.. their home, their kids and then their career.. a woman who is slightly preferential to her career over her 'duties' as wife is always frowned upon.. no need for society to call her names, she herself would feel guilty for being a woman but not managing the duties of being one..

    And frankly speaking, Metro sexuality of men starts and end with having their own fairness cream or getting a facial done.. the rest is still very cave-manish ;)

  4. Himali.. I pray you get what you want.. keep the spirits up ,alive and kicking for the coming years.. cheersssss ...