So my dear dear folks.. whats the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear United States of America?
Skyscrappers, Zooming vehicles, Scantily clad girls (cant take that out for the guys who are reading), Smiling Americans, Confused Desis, Smooth Roads, Pedestrians actually following traffic rules, Men keeping the door open for the ladies (without ogling at them), The Green Dollar bills, The yankee accent...
i know the list is never ending...
The facination about USA is palpable in India. Few know where Amritsar is but everyone knows where America is.
so when my toilet clogged on my first Monday in The USA (yes. you read that correct.. its about my Toilet)
so when it clogged, i gave a call to my Leasing office and left for my office. Office is a funny place that defied all my notions about Americans being private people.I am hardly a week old in the office and i know every single detail about my american colleague's Bone Marrow Biopsy.. now now... i cant tell him what hypochondriac soul i am so i had to listen in cause he was apparantly telling it to someone on the phone without slightest botheration about the fact that all the four cubicles around him were noting down the details in case they needed one of those in future!!!
Whether or not i had the intention of listening to a medical procedure that i have seen 100 times in House MD on AXN and is shit scared of but i still had to listen and simultaneously work on Test Plan for Lockbox Matching in Oracle R12( thats never going to see the light of the day.)
so toilet.. yes so i left for the office bragging like any average Indian Areee Ho jayega dekh aajke din me hi... This is USA not India.... Yes. I did make face!
I was so confident about Obama Government, that i didnt bother to call up the leasing office once again to check if they had cleared the mess...
I smirked, smirked and smirked some more on my way home and then The United States Of America and President Obama dissapointed me big time.
The Mess was still there... my precious toilet was still clogged.
We both looked at each other with hapless eyes.
1 - Our toilet was clogged to the hilt (i know quite graphic..sorry)
2 - We have only one toilet
3 - There is no place in vicinity where we could relieve ourselves (there are some cons of 'This is USA not India')
4 - Our neighbours are all guys and by the looks of it, they would have hid themselves in closets or worse ran away for an hour had we asked them if we could use their loo for all obvious reasons.
Toilet was clogged. No plumbers in vicinity so we super chicks thought of maha super idea and we went to our gym. Now Now...We did not have access card. Luckily one of our colleague cum friend was running on trademill. We didnt have phone to call him either so we waved,clapped, hooted, thumped...and then practically danced in front of the glass door so that he could see us and let us in. Yes finally we were noticed but by all americans. They looked at us with the same amusement that i had shown a few days back for the monkeys i saw on an African Safari in San Antonio. We made poor face and then this colleague of mine noticed us and finally we were in. We behaved in such a gentlewomanly way till all the occupants of the gym were in sight... the moment we saw toilets, we were so happy as if we had seen The White House.
We hi-fived and went in to find the toilet clogged and overflowing. YIKES! was the first and last reaction as we ran out. Americans were looking at us and at the room turn by turn and i would have laughed loudly had we werent the butt of joke!!
Next was the Swimming Pool. We circled it as if it was the sacred temple. We deliberated over using swimming pool as the toilet but poor kids were splashing in the water and decided against it.
found a shower room though but it was a shower room!!
no toilets inside, we both came out with sunken face and bloated tummies.
thats when our gym-colleague saw us and understood our problem... guys!! they can be so clever sometimes!
he then phoned his roomies and asked them to keep the toilet ready (whatever he meant by that)
we were embarrassed as hell and giggly too but finally we went to his place and its not wrong when they say that when you relieve yourself after an urgent need, the pleasure is next to that of an orgasm.
I cursed the entire community of plumbers in one go and the very famous 'inner voice' of mine mocked me for mocking at India a few hours ago.
1 My Toilet In India NEVER Clogged.
2 If it did, i just had to tell my neighbour aunty and she would have offered me a cup of chai on my way out of her toilet.
3 I could have got a plumber in less than half an hour even though he did not have a 'voicemail' and a 'car' (please read these two words in american accent to know how i felt after leaving three 'urgent' voicemails on my complex's plumber's phone)
4 I was not required to pay INR2500 (i.e. $50 with exchange rate of 50Rs per Dollar) for a stupid, moronic toilet cleaning.
5 In a bad scenario, i could have gone out in a mall, use their loo and come out fresh and clean..chakachak..without any hassle of begging for a car and then for a driver first. chalte jao..chalte aao..
6 In worst case scenario, i could have obtained a dabba and would have gone to Kurla's railway tracks or Vashi's mangroves!!!!
Thats why i say India is the Best...