Today is one of those PMS-ish days for me when you feel like leaving everything behind and get married. Get married and go to honeymoon. Go to honeymoon and let romance show you another world. Let romance show you another world and have bittersweet fights. Have bittersweet fights and make up with a kiss. Make up with a kiss and get bored of your spouse. Get bored of your spouse and have a kid. Have a kid and have sleepless nights. Have sleepless nights and see your kid growing up. See your kid growing up and feel him/her separate you from your spouse. Feel him/her separate you from your spouse and rekindle the fire. Rekindle the fire and have another kid. Have another kid and have sleepless nights. Have sleepless nights and see both your kids growing up. See both your kids growing up and lose sleep over crow's feet on your face. Lose sleep over crow's feet on your face and feel your spouse slipping away. Feel your spouse slipping away and you try to reason. You try to reason and struggle hard to rekindle the fire. You struggle hard to rekindle the fire and find matchbox empty ( ;) ), Find matchbox empty and get a dog. Get a dog and see dog bond with kids. See dog bond with kids and see kids bond with their friends. See kids bond with their friends and see them pubescent. See them pubescent and see them spread their wings. See them spread their wings and feel walls close in on them. See walls close in on them and you open the doors and let them free. Let them free and you see the faded colors of the wall. You see the faded colors of the wall and you feel hollow within. You feel hollow within and you feel lonely. You feel lonely and you see gaps between your fingers, You see gaps between your fingers and you feel your spouse fill them with his fingers. You feel your spouse fill them with his fingers and you tighten your clasp. You tighten your clasp and you look into each other's eyes. You look into each other's eyes and you look around the empty living room. You look around the empty living room and you happen to see your honeymoon frame. You happen to see your honeymoon frame and you both smile. You both smile and promise silently to grow old with each other. You promise silently to grow old with each other and you do. :)
PS: Those who do not understand what PMS is for a woman OR those who believe its all hypothetical, you could have skipped it all... but then i dont believe in warnings anymore... ;)
Tip from an amateur cook
My mom would faint...my dad would feel very very proud...my friends would want to snigger but yes, i have a tip to share with everyone...
its for those like me... interns who are still trying to learn the art of cooking...
have you ever tried cooking Pulao... it looks heavely on internet and on cookery shows..each grain of rice is so neat, separate, fragrant and colorful..you hope that yours turn out like that... most of the time it doesnt...
color and fragrance is ok but it sometimes turns gooey.. looks like a mushy mass you wouldnt want to eat...inspite of the color and everything...
so i present a tried and tested solution...
do not follow the recipe as it is... ever read Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince? The half blood prince became a good potion brewer cause he chose not to go by the book...
so folks when you want your Pulao and not a gooey mass, cook the rice completely first and then remove it in a plate..(no bowls..it has to be plate for the science involved of more surface area means more heat dissipation :( )
separate the grains without crushing them... and then put this plate in fridge for atleast an hour or a little less than that...
this makes the rice grain dry and separate...
now prepare the gravy that comprises of all spices and mixed vegetables and when its ready, add rice in it and stir it with a light hand (my mom says halka hath which is literally Light Hand...the point is, dont crush the rice...) and then mix the spicy gravy in the rice...
at the end of the day...you have your pulao looking a lot better than The Gooey Mass... :)
its for those like me... interns who are still trying to learn the art of cooking...
have you ever tried cooking Pulao... it looks heavely on internet and on cookery shows..each grain of rice is so neat, separate, fragrant and colorful..you hope that yours turn out like that... most of the time it doesnt...
color and fragrance is ok but it sometimes turns gooey.. looks like a mushy mass you wouldnt want to eat...inspite of the color and everything...
so i present a tried and tested solution...
do not follow the recipe as it is... ever read Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince? The half blood prince became a good potion brewer cause he chose not to go by the book...
so folks when you want your Pulao and not a gooey mass, cook the rice completely first and then remove it in a plate..(no bowls..it has to be plate for the science involved of more surface area means more heat dissipation :( )
separate the grains without crushing them... and then put this plate in fridge for atleast an hour or a little less than that...
this makes the rice grain dry and separate...
now prepare the gravy that comprises of all spices and mixed vegetables and when its ready, add rice in it and stir it with a light hand (my mom says halka hath which is literally Light Hand...the point is, dont crush the rice...) and then mix the spicy gravy in the rice...
at the end of the day...you have your pulao looking a lot better than The Gooey Mass... :)
Ugly Duckling & The Peer Pressure
....And then comes a time when you start doubting your communication skills..
no matter what you do, the wall of ice remains there, unmelted, cold against your heart and mind...
you want to break it and try to see what is on the other side but it seems a daunting task...
you start wondering if you are invicible...if the normal questions are not meant for you...
you cant outgrow your commanalities and be the one with special smile or twinkle in eyes or chiming voice..
you still remain the ugly duckling..waiting for the magical transformation..waiting to turn one day into a beautiful swan...
the winter passes by, your wings freeze, you see your mirror and the same old ugly duckling looks back at you... meanwhile you see other swans gliding by you...
you want to hang your head in shame for not being the perfect one that everyone wishes you are...
but you dont do it... you rather jutt out your chin some more and refuse to give in..
you bask in your imperfections...you want to take pride in saying that you are different..not weird like the world thinks you are..but then you say hell with the world..and then you sulk..
you wish world was not this cruel..you wish you were not so lame..
you cry in the night but with the dawn you still emerge with the vestiges of confidence..to take the world head on..
It laughs at your imperfections... you snigger at their perfection!!!!!!!!
no matter what you do, the wall of ice remains there, unmelted, cold against your heart and mind...
you want to break it and try to see what is on the other side but it seems a daunting task...
you start wondering if you are invicible...if the normal questions are not meant for you...
you cant outgrow your commanalities and be the one with special smile or twinkle in eyes or chiming voice..
you still remain the ugly duckling..waiting for the magical transformation..waiting to turn one day into a beautiful swan...
the winter passes by, your wings freeze, you see your mirror and the same old ugly duckling looks back at you... meanwhile you see other swans gliding by you...
you want to hang your head in shame for not being the perfect one that everyone wishes you are...
but you dont do it... you rather jutt out your chin some more and refuse to give in..
you bask in your imperfections...you want to take pride in saying that you are different..not weird like the world thinks you are..but then you say hell with the world..and then you sulk..
you wish world was not this cruel..you wish you were not so lame..
you cry in the night but with the dawn you still emerge with the vestiges of confidence..to take the world head on..
It laughs at your imperfections... you snigger at their perfection!!!!!!!!
The US Travelogues - Heart Attack that nearly happened
Hell with them! i am not even going to put a disclaimer for why I am writing a complaining post about US yet again!
Today morning when i opened my Bank Of America online page to see how much i have been slaving here in the foreign land for....i nearly had an heart attack...
Today morning when i opened my Bank Of America online page to see how much i have been slaving here in the foreign land for....i nearly had an heart attack...
This is (a big blah!) a security procedure where they put an account under review for all its incoming and outgoing transactions. (dont think i am smuggler or something. i want to ask why me!)
and then they make Account Balance this haphazard.
Its more like a Stress Test for Heart than a darn security procedure!!!!!!!
They can freeze the account, send a mail to the account holder or call! Give some prior notice to the poor account holder who might have never seen such a huge amount in dollars before (+ve/-ve does not matter!)
I so wanted to sue the BOA (anyways US is the most sue-happy country) but i dont have money even to sue them!
I want to see my account going back to the miniscule size as soon as possible.
Paisewale Bappa sun raha hai na tu! :(
- Himali
The US Travelogues - The Broken Key
I know, you wont believe it after my third post in row that it was not on my agenda to write about US in such undisguised complaining manner but things that have happened to me in US so far can be categorized as either Embarrassing, Exhausting, Frustrating or Boring.
What happened today is however special because it can be categorized under all of the above.! ;)
The day i was deemed Bachelor of Engineering in Electronics by Mumbai University, I was half independent and was almost walking four inches above the ground.
The day i cleared my first ever interview in Patni Computers, i was three fourth independent and was on cloud nine.
The day i flew over to US on an Air India plane, i was well above the cloud, physically and mentally.
I was going to be cent percent indepedent. I will have house of my own (however rented) and my own Car (though i cant drive to save my neck!) and my own saving (for the extravaganza called wedding that would take place two years from now). I will cook myself (however life threatening that might sound), i will take my own decisions (whether to buy Roma Tomatoes or simple assorted tomatoes, A pack of 6 toilet rolls or 24!!! BLAH)
It didnt happen the way it was planned.
I am as far from being independent as Earth is from Sloan Galaxy - a whopping 13 Billion Light Years!!
I can not move around without a car. I so wanted to visit Barnes & Noble ( i know its just a book shop but book shops are to me what a candy shop is to a kid) so i risked my precious life and crossed 3 free ways tp get there.
I loved eating at Swapna Indian Cuisine at Cumberland Pkwy but couldnt go there unless someone else wanted to cause i bloody freaking cant drive!!
I had never felt so handicapped before in my life. I am born and brought up in Bombay. Like any other town girl i am used to be on my own from early age. Taxi-Train-BEST-Walk. i never needed a car of my own even if it was there at my disposal. I never had to put people in sticky spot by nudging them into offering me a ride in their car.
I never had to keep tab on who was moving out when so that i could hurridely pack my bags and wait for them near their cars so that they would not feel even more embarrassed by forgetting that i was supposed to be called before leaving. I would rather be embarrassed myself!
This was still OK till the time it was me and my roomies. Today this dependency of mine (or rather ours) dragged Nilesh in a rather costly mess.
We needed a ride to Bank of America which is just a stones throw away from our place (By American standards, when they drive at around 40 miles/hr). We thought to walk our way to the bank but its blazing in Dallas. Its 102 F outside and we care for our future husbands and wanted to keep our complexion at its minimum best (#$%%^) so we thought to request Nilesh to drop us off. He generously agreed.
We reached Bank of America when they were six minutes to close down all tellers. We sorried (as is customery in US even if you step on your own feet and howl in pain!!). A teller welcomed me and my cheque was deposited in less than a minute with absolutely no paperwork (Plus he didnt give me Its-Nearly-The-Time-We-Left-What-The-Hell-Were-You-Doing-Earlier look thats guarenteed in India even if you reach when there is still time for Bank to close.)
We were done in fifteen minutes. Went outside as we saw Nilesh driving back to the parking lot. He was searching grounds and we first thought he had dropped his monies but he hadnt. The car key - The Ignition Key to be precise was broken. The Darn-Moronic-Idiotic key was not only broken but a major chunk was jammed inside the ignition. Nilesh looked harried with key. We looked harried with our own bad luck.
Our plan was all set.
- Finish off work in Bank of America.
- Invade Indian Grocery shop for Rice (that didnt feel like glue while eating) and Tur Dal.
- Getting lost in Walmart to shop for absolute necessities.
- Go back home and play Sonu Nigam - KK - Falguni Pathak - Shakira - Linkin Park - Himesh Reshamiya (Ashiq banaya aapne only!) etc on full blast while we chattered, ate.
- Take a long afternoon siesta.
- Groggily wake up and cook elaborate dinner (Jira Rice, South Indian Speciality Sambhar, Mix Vegetables, Papad) for the party that was called for dinner tonight (and who very nervously and adventurously had agreed)
We tried pinning out the jammed remainings of the key which turned futile after some time. (It is atleast not as easy as removing dirt from your ears using earbuds!ewww)
So went the phone lines busy and a whole party turned up at Bank of America. Leon, Chelsea, Suhail, Sajid, Abdul (and after an extended invitation, Sachin)
They got toolbox with them and we thought it was manageble with so many drive-crazy people but it wasnt.
We were standing in scorching sun and so were all the guys. Each one of them tried their own trick which did not work.
Me, Devi and Shyamu looked at each other and shared a Bakra-about-to-be-minced look. We had managed to rub our bad luck off on the car and its darned key. Keys get lost, Keys get locked in, Keys are left behind but keys dont break into two pieces!!! not in US of A atleast! :(
We settled ourselves on the green well kept (before our behinds touched it) lawn. We had no other choice.
If the sun had to fry us, let it fry the whole of us or else we would have ended up looking like Ross when his Tan went wrong in Missisipi One, Mississipi Two. Lolz.
Meanwhile Chelsea saved the day for us and turned from a sober & coy child into a pink charmer. We played around with her for quiet some time. Her pink toy lawn mower was cute.(was it vaccum cleaner.. god knows). We shooed away bugs, clapped, ate french fries, drank Coke (thanks to Devi & Shyamu)
and then we did what every and i mean every average Indian does at the first strike of opportunity. We played Antakshari in our kept-for-the-best-occassion voices. We dished out songs after songs as if we were stranded on a beautiful island and were getting paid for it.
Meanwhile Goras were coming in and out of the Bank ATM and giving us rather reproachful looks. Guys didnt notice because they were busy
- Discussing why and how the key must have broken.
- Calling Mechanic who was overbooked no less than Tom Cruise.
- Calling him names as he asked them random stupid questions.
- Checking out hot american babes using bank ATM. ( an Oasis in the desert of having a broken car and three moronic girls sitting crosslegged on grass and singing Tu-Tu-Tu-Tutu-Tara as loudly as humanly possible)
There were few Indians who came, gave us withering Thats-Why-Indians-Are-Looked-Down-Upon look and left in their Volkswogen (May God turn your Cars into Salvage on your next Carfax!!)
As bird of same feather i expected them to atleast ask what was wrong if not flock together! But they did not.
We were in picnic mood and songs were literally gushing out of us as if the urge of playing Antakshri was supressed by the so called American rightousness. As we started getting more and more such atrocious looks from Indians and Americans alike we turned even more rebellious and sang the Bihari-est songs that we could recall... ( Naam kya hai.. pyar ka mara..Ghar ka pata do - Dil hai tumhara Kya karte Ho..Tumse Pyar with all the sound effects we could portray)
One good thing that happened was that i learned a whole babysitting process. Right from giving into their kido demands, playing boo-boo with them, feeding them food, making them drink without spilling the whole thing on them or choking them, Taking them to Bathroom, Crooning and rocking them to sleep etc etc.
Felt almost motherly. I have promised Chelsea that next time she visits my place, i would apply nailpaint to her kiddy nails and toenails. Lets see when i can fulfill that.
Had to walk atleast half a mile before we could see a darn waste-bin to get rid of garbage with us.
Had Nilesh not suppose to pay $75 (if only key is faulty) or $250 (if Ignition needs to change) and half the indian population at Frankford trying to rescue us, it would have looked very comical the way the divide was - very Indian, very Gender specific, Very comical if not too frustrating.
The Aurat Jaat i.e. Me Devi and Shyamu sitting on lawn, feeding Chelsea, playing with her while singing outrageous hindi songs inbetween and The Mard Jaat i.e. Nilesh, Sajid, Abdul, Sohail, Leon, Sachin fixing the Car.
All the guys very gentelmanly suggested for us to leave while offering a car that would drive us to home but we refused. We had very perfectly managed to align our dimwitted planets with theirs so we would rather be together and face the frustration all the same. ( I am sure guys wanted us to stop singing so shamelessly and crudly and leave them alone in peace to decide the further action plan)
Finally we all left the poor car in the parking lot as mechanic had agreed to show up at 10.30 to fix it up. As we stepped in we three were feeling same i guess. (have not confirmed this with either Devi or Shyamu but still)
- It was a beautiful Saturday completly ruined as we reached home at around 8 in the night.
- Afternoon siesta was spent in Rice Box opening Fortune Cookies.
- Everyone had forgotten about the dinner we had planned tonight (ofcourse it was the lesser evil of the two)
- We were frustrated at our dependency and to what level we could drag those who offered to help us in the rut that our bad luck puts us into time to time.
We have said sorry before and its heartfelt. We felt sad for Nilesh more than we felt for ourselves.
so (if this helps) i would like to offer a public apology to all those who came to rescue us for the fateful call that i made this morning to have Nilesh drop us at BOA.
Sorry Guys and Thanks!
What happened today is however special because it can be categorized under all of the above.! ;)
The day i was deemed Bachelor of Engineering in Electronics by Mumbai University, I was half independent and was almost walking four inches above the ground.
The day i cleared my first ever interview in Patni Computers, i was three fourth independent and was on cloud nine.
The day i flew over to US on an Air India plane, i was well above the cloud, physically and mentally.
I was going to be cent percent indepedent. I will have house of my own (however rented) and my own Car (though i cant drive to save my neck!) and my own saving (for the extravaganza called wedding that would take place two years from now). I will cook myself (however life threatening that might sound), i will take my own decisions (whether to buy Roma Tomatoes or simple assorted tomatoes, A pack of 6 toilet rolls or 24!!! BLAH)
It didnt happen the way it was planned.
I am as far from being independent as Earth is from Sloan Galaxy - a whopping 13 Billion Light Years!!
I can not move around without a car. I so wanted to visit Barnes & Noble ( i know its just a book shop but book shops are to me what a candy shop is to a kid) so i risked my precious life and crossed 3 free ways tp get there.
I loved eating at Swapna Indian Cuisine at Cumberland Pkwy but couldnt go there unless someone else wanted to cause i bloody freaking cant drive!!
I had never felt so handicapped before in my life. I am born and brought up in Bombay. Like any other town girl i am used to be on my own from early age. Taxi-Train-BEST-Walk. i never needed a car of my own even if it was there at my disposal. I never had to put people in sticky spot by nudging them into offering me a ride in their car.
I never had to keep tab on who was moving out when so that i could hurridely pack my bags and wait for them near their cars so that they would not feel even more embarrassed by forgetting that i was supposed to be called before leaving. I would rather be embarrassed myself!
This was still OK till the time it was me and my roomies. Today this dependency of mine (or rather ours) dragged Nilesh in a rather costly mess.
We needed a ride to Bank of America which is just a stones throw away from our place (By American standards, when they drive at around 40 miles/hr). We thought to walk our way to the bank but its blazing in Dallas. Its 102 F outside and we care for our future husbands and wanted to keep our complexion at its minimum best (#$%%^) so we thought to request Nilesh to drop us off. He generously agreed.
We reached Bank of America when they were six minutes to close down all tellers. We sorried (as is customery in US even if you step on your own feet and howl in pain!!). A teller welcomed me and my cheque was deposited in less than a minute with absolutely no paperwork (Plus he didnt give me Its-Nearly-The-Time-We-Left-What-The-Hell-Were-You-Doing-Earlier look thats guarenteed in India even if you reach when there is still time for Bank to close.)
We were done in fifteen minutes. Went outside as we saw Nilesh driving back to the parking lot. He was searching grounds and we first thought he had dropped his monies but he hadnt. The car key - The Ignition Key to be precise was broken. The Darn-Moronic-Idiotic key was not only broken but a major chunk was jammed inside the ignition. Nilesh looked harried with key. We looked harried with our own bad luck.
Our plan was all set.
- Finish off work in Bank of America.
- Invade Indian Grocery shop for Rice (that didnt feel like glue while eating) and Tur Dal.
- Getting lost in Walmart to shop for absolute necessities.
- Go back home and play Sonu Nigam - KK - Falguni Pathak - Shakira - Linkin Park - Himesh Reshamiya (Ashiq banaya aapne only!) etc on full blast while we chattered, ate.
- Take a long afternoon siesta.
- Groggily wake up and cook elaborate dinner (Jira Rice, South Indian Speciality Sambhar, Mix Vegetables, Papad) for the party that was called for dinner tonight (and who very nervously and adventurously had agreed)
We tried pinning out the jammed remainings of the key which turned futile after some time. (It is atleast not as easy as removing dirt from your ears using earbuds!ewww)
So went the phone lines busy and a whole party turned up at Bank of America. Leon, Chelsea, Suhail, Sajid, Abdul (and after an extended invitation, Sachin)
They got toolbox with them and we thought it was manageble with so many drive-crazy people but it wasnt.
We were standing in scorching sun and so were all the guys. Each one of them tried their own trick which did not work.
Me, Devi and Shyamu looked at each other and shared a Bakra-about-to-be-minced look. We had managed to rub our bad luck off on the car and its darned key. Keys get lost, Keys get locked in, Keys are left behind but keys dont break into two pieces!!! not in US of A atleast! :(
We settled ourselves on the green well kept (before our behinds touched it) lawn. We had no other choice.
If the sun had to fry us, let it fry the whole of us or else we would have ended up looking like Ross when his Tan went wrong in Missisipi One, Mississipi Two. Lolz.
Meanwhile Chelsea saved the day for us and turned from a sober & coy child into a pink charmer. We played around with her for quiet some time. Her pink toy lawn mower was cute.(was it vaccum cleaner.. god knows). We shooed away bugs, clapped, ate french fries, drank Coke (thanks to Devi & Shyamu)
and then we did what every and i mean every average Indian does at the first strike of opportunity. We played Antakshari in our kept-for-the-best-occassion voices. We dished out songs after songs as if we were stranded on a beautiful island and were getting paid for it.
Meanwhile Goras were coming in and out of the Bank ATM and giving us rather reproachful looks. Guys didnt notice because they were busy
- Discussing why and how the key must have broken.
- Calling Mechanic who was overbooked no less than Tom Cruise.
- Calling him names as he asked them random stupid questions.
- Checking out hot american babes using bank ATM. ( an Oasis in the desert of having a broken car and three moronic girls sitting crosslegged on grass and singing Tu-Tu-Tu-Tutu-Tara as loudly as humanly possible)
There were few Indians who came, gave us withering Thats-Why-Indians-Are-Looked-Down-Upon look and left in their Volkswogen (May God turn your Cars into Salvage on your next Carfax!!)
As bird of same feather i expected them to atleast ask what was wrong if not flock together! But they did not.
We were in picnic mood and songs were literally gushing out of us as if the urge of playing Antakshri was supressed by the so called American rightousness. As we started getting more and more such atrocious looks from Indians and Americans alike we turned even more rebellious and sang the Bihari-est songs that we could recall... ( Naam kya hai.. pyar ka mara..Ghar ka pata do - Dil hai tumhara Kya karte Ho..Tumse Pyar with all the sound effects we could portray)
One good thing that happened was that i learned a whole babysitting process. Right from giving into their kido demands, playing boo-boo with them, feeding them food, making them drink without spilling the whole thing on them or choking them, Taking them to Bathroom, Crooning and rocking them to sleep etc etc.
Felt almost motherly. I have promised Chelsea that next time she visits my place, i would apply nailpaint to her kiddy nails and toenails. Lets see when i can fulfill that.
Had to walk atleast half a mile before we could see a darn waste-bin to get rid of garbage with us.
Had Nilesh not suppose to pay $75 (if only key is faulty) or $250 (if Ignition needs to change) and half the indian population at Frankford trying to rescue us, it would have looked very comical the way the divide was - very Indian, very Gender specific, Very comical if not too frustrating.
The Aurat Jaat i.e. Me Devi and Shyamu sitting on lawn, feeding Chelsea, playing with her while singing outrageous hindi songs inbetween and The Mard Jaat i.e. Nilesh, Sajid, Abdul, Sohail, Leon, Sachin fixing the Car.
All the guys very gentelmanly suggested for us to leave while offering a car that would drive us to home but we refused. We had very perfectly managed to align our dimwitted planets with theirs so we would rather be together and face the frustration all the same. ( I am sure guys wanted us to stop singing so shamelessly and crudly and leave them alone in peace to decide the further action plan)
Finally we all left the poor car in the parking lot as mechanic had agreed to show up at 10.30 to fix it up. As we stepped in we three were feeling same i guess. (have not confirmed this with either Devi or Shyamu but still)
- It was a beautiful Saturday completly ruined as we reached home at around 8 in the night.
- Afternoon siesta was spent in Rice Box opening Fortune Cookies.
- Everyone had forgotten about the dinner we had planned tonight (ofcourse it was the lesser evil of the two)
- We were frustrated at our dependency and to what level we could drag those who offered to help us in the rut that our bad luck puts us into time to time.
We have said sorry before and its heartfelt. We felt sad for Nilesh more than we felt for ourselves.
so (if this helps) i would like to offer a public apology to all those who came to rescue us for the fateful call that i made this morning to have Nilesh drop us at BOA.
Sorry Guys and Thanks!
The US Travelogues - Boredom
i know you guys might be wondering about when you can see a cheerful word next to my customery 'The US Travelogues' but believe me the current situation do not inspire me to use any of those...
So i am in Atlanta for two weeks. So i am bored. The training room where i sit everyday has a full wall french window right next to me. I can (thankfully) look outside.
Most of the times its sunny. I feel like discarding my sweater and go out for a walk but i just cant.
I am playing role of a QA Administrator and tracker. Big bold terms. in short i am suppose to play a supervisor to all the business users who will be playing around with the application to see what results it gives back. they call it testing. i frown even without realizing it. This is NOT testing. they are checking if system does what its suppose to do. a tester is also suppose to check if system does what it should not do.
I almost go teary eye and frizzy haired while explaining this to helpless users who just simply cant fathom why they are expected to break their system. I do. so i give them example of lockbox and receipt creation. they nodd their heads in understanding and i feel reassured but only for next minute or so.
Next time when i am going through their testplans, i see blanks for all negative test cases and i repeat the circus. This happens atleast four to five times each day and i feel like shouting at top of my voice only once and for all for them to understand why testing is important and that they should take it seriously.
I dont blame them. They are frustrated. The age bracket here is that of 40-50. each one of them have been working on the 'dumb terminals' for all their career and as they say that the company matters, over this period of time they have come closed to becoming what their system is. Inflexible. They dont welcome Oracle even though it 'seems' more user friendly. Its pale blue screen with yellow mandatory boxes, neatly seen List Of Values, RED-YELLOW-GRAY-GREEN concurrent requests... every single thing is new to them and that baffles them.
There are sighs of dissapoitnment, murmurs of restlessness, exclaimation of surprise (oh we need to go for those many screens to arrive at this one!!!). Noone can remain oblivious to it. They havent had training on this new system and they are expected to know it as good as the back of their hand. They hate it so they take this testing or CRP 2 (Conference Room Pilot) less enthusiastically. Lunch time is a picnic and only solace for them because
- its company sponsered
- good for american testbuds
- it has what americans love big time - cheese in it on every single item. Be it Nachos, Pizzas, Chicken, Beef, Pork, Pasta, Salad, Rice, Cake. You name it and find cheese in it.
They discuss their families, travel, dogs, kids, neighbours, taxes, government (in the same order) during the lunch. Thats the only time when i see some excitement on their faces. otherwise it is screwed in concentration. Some of them come to me during meal times to ask me hows India doing (as if i am Sonia Gandhi and i know!). i look up from my cheesy plate and say 'spectacular'. they look into my eyes for the hint of sarcasm. when they dont find it, they laugh (on what they assume to be a joke) and move on.
One of these come to me one day to ask if i find the food too bland for my indian taste. I feel like crying cause yes it does. I am sick of cheese!!!! i nod yes. She goes and gets me a Tobasco sauce bottle hidden in her bag and tells me that her son loves spicy food so she always always keeps one in her bag. Now thats endearing. I say thanks with a heavy voice and resume eating.
but luckily with all that food, i do not feel sleepy. It keeps me awake instead of making me feel like dozzing off next to my laptop. I work some more, running CRP2-Open Issues report after every half a minute to see if any more issues have been logged. I sigh deeply with satisfaction as i see the count going up. One new added issue makes me update 6 different spreadsheet and takes upto half an hour for me to update in my system. That half an hour goes so nicely. I thank God for bugs. My face lights up but users cant seem to understand why or rather how should i feel happy when there is an issue. They give me a reproachful look. i do not bother to explain them about a tester's glory in bugs. Another revolution or century is what it might take for non-testers to understand how a tester thinks or feels. blah!
One of the guys is pot-bellied and looks grandpa-happyish all the time. He laughs very often...sometimes in the middle of a Defect Review Meeting breaking the silence and monotony of the room. His laughter makes me feel as if i am standing under a cascading waterfall... It falls so heavily on me...i dont know whether to laugh or cry..
Some time later, the manager, a hapless lady with bushy unruly hair comes in with a forlorn look on her face and i can sense the admonishing news already. Some system of the maha-system is not ready to be tested. i see some of them smiling while trying to hide it. i see some of them grinning openly. Do they not understand what the news implicates? they do but their short term gain is that they would get out of the wretched room sooner than they were told and that covers up the long term loss it would be if the system is not ready for a timely go live.
i see the manager reassuring people that the system would be ready in a day or two. She tells a (very) few concerned faces that they had anticipated this and has enough room on their schedule to accomodate the down time. The others yawn or look away. She stopps in her speech. I wonder if she is prepping herself for the next pep talk which is hard to come in such helplessly broken situation.
CRP2 is a failure. A complete failure PERIOD. all the major functionalities have massive bugs in them. they dont even need a QA to poke them so that they can collapse. They need a little nudge or a draught of wind to get it back on the earth. Many of the users find navigation difficult to by-heart. It would take practise. Months of hands-on. i want to tell them so but i keep quiet. The Americans need everything fast and simple. Unfortunately Oracle is complex. Its virtue of being flexible also makes it difficult but i am not suppose to have pep talk. I am this strict supervisor for them to check if they are doing their job properly. everytime i open my mouth to say something, they are scared as if i am going to tell them what lousy job they are doing. I dont. I am bored!
i wish people undertsood that projects fail! they really sometimes, despite of all the money it costs, inspite of all the efforts that were put in, irrespective of all the sincere intentions, they fail. The basic building blocks, the very foundation of this project, the design is shaky. Users break the 'experts' in pieces. They dont care how snazzy the system looks. They want return for their money, they dont get it, they shout and make their disapproval very very apprarant. Thats one thing about Americans. They do test how sporty you are. They would not sugar-coat their words. They are upfront and upright about things they want to say. What they do in the situations where they need to eat their own words you think? They just say sorry, put their hands up and thats it.
Its fourth day of testing today. percentage of completion is about 23%. Issues are growing like street dogs...abundantly and shamelessly. Noone can control them! i am tired of keeping the track. i crack my joints, i dig my fingers in, i draw up as many colors on my excel sheet to make it as colorful as i can.
Meanwhile i get some of the test case folders back so i get back to checking them if everyone has executed everything. i see few more failed testcases in one of the folders but i do not see Service Desk request logged against them so i go to the team and tell them to log the tickets so that it can be trated as a defect and can be discussed later on. They look disinterested and without speaking a word to me, go back to the Outlook and show me sent mails. i get confused. if they have sent mails, i should have been able to see the tickets on my log. i check again while they stare at me with What-do-u-know-kid attitude and challenge me to correct them. I feel sheepish. I feel like saying sorry but then a quick glance at their sent items and i (almost) smirk. I politely ask them to check the mail id. They have omitted U from Rexelusa.com. Mail is not sent. i do not see tickets. Now its my turn. i look at them with Kids-are-better-sometimes look.
Then is the highlighted point of the day that everyone is eagerly waiting for. The Defect Review Meeting (dub it as Mud Slinging Match)
There are three teams participating.
- Development
- The Business Users
- The IT Support group (five faces at the end of the rows - Me, three other managers and one training person)
Issues are discussed. Everyone tries to play pass-the-buck within and sometimes outside the team. Users feel exasperated with developers cause they dont understand why a simple change such that a field on a form prepped to take only the capital letters should take more than a week. Developers feel exasperated cause they dont understand why users want it that way. IT Support Group is exasperated because that seems to be the flavor of the moment. They get pulled up in the fight unceremoniously and are more often than not asked to pick sides. A difficult job for the managers but they make faces and ultimately pick one. The other side goes mute in silent protest. The meeting is often a playground for cold war. For someone like me who is not expected to participate but just observe from a safe distance, its flurry of activity after an extremely dull day. Feel amused and hence better! The AC on my head drones some more, washing me with ice cold air. I shiver but i cant budge from my place. I need to keep track of whats getting opened, whats getting closed, whats getting assigned to who, who is frustrated because of this.
Then in the end, i gather my laptop and bag and i get out in warm and pleasant sun. Its 5.30 in the evening. People who were just fighting with a cutthroat attitude wish each other good night and move away in their cars. I have 2 and half hours more of light to go out and check the surroundings. I thank God for bringing another day to an end. Fruitful or otherwise
So i am in Atlanta for two weeks. So i am bored. The training room where i sit everyday has a full wall french window right next to me. I can (thankfully) look outside.
Most of the times its sunny. I feel like discarding my sweater and go out for a walk but i just cant.
I am playing role of a QA Administrator and tracker. Big bold terms. in short i am suppose to play a supervisor to all the business users who will be playing around with the application to see what results it gives back. they call it testing. i frown even without realizing it. This is NOT testing. they are checking if system does what its suppose to do. a tester is also suppose to check if system does what it should not do.
I almost go teary eye and frizzy haired while explaining this to helpless users who just simply cant fathom why they are expected to break their system. I do. so i give them example of lockbox and receipt creation. they nodd their heads in understanding and i feel reassured but only for next minute or so.
Next time when i am going through their testplans, i see blanks for all negative test cases and i repeat the circus. This happens atleast four to five times each day and i feel like shouting at top of my voice only once and for all for them to understand why testing is important and that they should take it seriously.
I dont blame them. They are frustrated. The age bracket here is that of 40-50. each one of them have been working on the 'dumb terminals' for all their career and as they say that the company matters, over this period of time they have come closed to becoming what their system is. Inflexible. They dont welcome Oracle even though it 'seems' more user friendly. Its pale blue screen with yellow mandatory boxes, neatly seen List Of Values, RED-YELLOW-GRAY-GREEN concurrent requests... every single thing is new to them and that baffles them.
There are sighs of dissapoitnment, murmurs of restlessness, exclaimation of surprise (oh we need to go for those many screens to arrive at this one!!!). Noone can remain oblivious to it. They havent had training on this new system and they are expected to know it as good as the back of their hand. They hate it so they take this testing or CRP 2 (Conference Room Pilot) less enthusiastically. Lunch time is a picnic and only solace for them because
- its company sponsered
- good for american testbuds
- it has what americans love big time - cheese in it on every single item. Be it Nachos, Pizzas, Chicken, Beef, Pork, Pasta, Salad, Rice, Cake. You name it and find cheese in it.
They discuss their families, travel, dogs, kids, neighbours, taxes, government (in the same order) during the lunch. Thats the only time when i see some excitement on their faces. otherwise it is screwed in concentration. Some of them come to me during meal times to ask me hows India doing (as if i am Sonia Gandhi and i know!). i look up from my cheesy plate and say 'spectacular'. they look into my eyes for the hint of sarcasm. when they dont find it, they laugh (on what they assume to be a joke) and move on.
One of these come to me one day to ask if i find the food too bland for my indian taste. I feel like crying cause yes it does. I am sick of cheese!!!! i nod yes. She goes and gets me a Tobasco sauce bottle hidden in her bag and tells me that her son loves spicy food so she always always keeps one in her bag. Now thats endearing. I say thanks with a heavy voice and resume eating.
but luckily with all that food, i do not feel sleepy. It keeps me awake instead of making me feel like dozzing off next to my laptop. I work some more, running CRP2-Open Issues report after every half a minute to see if any more issues have been logged. I sigh deeply with satisfaction as i see the count going up. One new added issue makes me update 6 different spreadsheet and takes upto half an hour for me to update in my system. That half an hour goes so nicely. I thank God for bugs. My face lights up but users cant seem to understand why or rather how should i feel happy when there is an issue. They give me a reproachful look. i do not bother to explain them about a tester's glory in bugs. Another revolution or century is what it might take for non-testers to understand how a tester thinks or feels. blah!
One of the guys is pot-bellied and looks grandpa-happyish all the time. He laughs very often...sometimes in the middle of a Defect Review Meeting breaking the silence and monotony of the room. His laughter makes me feel as if i am standing under a cascading waterfall... It falls so heavily on me...i dont know whether to laugh or cry..
Some time later, the manager, a hapless lady with bushy unruly hair comes in with a forlorn look on her face and i can sense the admonishing news already. Some system of the maha-system is not ready to be tested. i see some of them smiling while trying to hide it. i see some of them grinning openly. Do they not understand what the news implicates? they do but their short term gain is that they would get out of the wretched room sooner than they were told and that covers up the long term loss it would be if the system is not ready for a timely go live.
i see the manager reassuring people that the system would be ready in a day or two. She tells a (very) few concerned faces that they had anticipated this and has enough room on their schedule to accomodate the down time. The others yawn or look away. She stopps in her speech. I wonder if she is prepping herself for the next pep talk which is hard to come in such helplessly broken situation.
CRP2 is a failure. A complete failure PERIOD. all the major functionalities have massive bugs in them. they dont even need a QA to poke them so that they can collapse. They need a little nudge or a draught of wind to get it back on the earth. Many of the users find navigation difficult to by-heart. It would take practise. Months of hands-on. i want to tell them so but i keep quiet. The Americans need everything fast and simple. Unfortunately Oracle is complex. Its virtue of being flexible also makes it difficult but i am not suppose to have pep talk. I am this strict supervisor for them to check if they are doing their job properly. everytime i open my mouth to say something, they are scared as if i am going to tell them what lousy job they are doing. I dont. I am bored!
i wish people undertsood that projects fail! they really sometimes, despite of all the money it costs, inspite of all the efforts that were put in, irrespective of all the sincere intentions, they fail. The basic building blocks, the very foundation of this project, the design is shaky. Users break the 'experts' in pieces. They dont care how snazzy the system looks. They want return for their money, they dont get it, they shout and make their disapproval very very apprarant. Thats one thing about Americans. They do test how sporty you are. They would not sugar-coat their words. They are upfront and upright about things they want to say. What they do in the situations where they need to eat their own words you think? They just say sorry, put their hands up and thats it.
Its fourth day of testing today. percentage of completion is about 23%. Issues are growing like street dogs...abundantly and shamelessly. Noone can control them! i am tired of keeping the track. i crack my joints, i dig my fingers in, i draw up as many colors on my excel sheet to make it as colorful as i can.
Meanwhile i get some of the test case folders back so i get back to checking them if everyone has executed everything. i see few more failed testcases in one of the folders but i do not see Service Desk request logged against them so i go to the team and tell them to log the tickets so that it can be trated as a defect and can be discussed later on. They look disinterested and without speaking a word to me, go back to the Outlook and show me sent mails. i get confused. if they have sent mails, i should have been able to see the tickets on my log. i check again while they stare at me with What-do-u-know-kid attitude and challenge me to correct them. I feel sheepish. I feel like saying sorry but then a quick glance at their sent items and i (almost) smirk. I politely ask them to check the mail id. They have omitted U from Rexelusa.com. Mail is not sent. i do not see tickets. Now its my turn. i look at them with Kids-are-better-sometimes look.
Then is the highlighted point of the day that everyone is eagerly waiting for. The Defect Review Meeting (dub it as Mud Slinging Match)
There are three teams participating.
- Development
- The Business Users
- The IT Support group (five faces at the end of the rows - Me, three other managers and one training person)
Issues are discussed. Everyone tries to play pass-the-buck within and sometimes outside the team. Users feel exasperated with developers cause they dont understand why a simple change such that a field on a form prepped to take only the capital letters should take more than a week. Developers feel exasperated cause they dont understand why users want it that way. IT Support Group is exasperated because that seems to be the flavor of the moment. They get pulled up in the fight unceremoniously and are more often than not asked to pick sides. A difficult job for the managers but they make faces and ultimately pick one. The other side goes mute in silent protest. The meeting is often a playground for cold war. For someone like me who is not expected to participate but just observe from a safe distance, its flurry of activity after an extremely dull day. Feel amused and hence better! The AC on my head drones some more, washing me with ice cold air. I shiver but i cant budge from my place. I need to keep track of whats getting opened, whats getting closed, whats getting assigned to who, who is frustrated because of this.
Then in the end, i gather my laptop and bag and i get out in warm and pleasant sun. Its 5.30 in the evening. People who were just fighting with a cutthroat attitude wish each other good night and move away in their cars. I have 2 and half hours more of light to go out and check the surroundings. I thank God for bringing another day to an end. Fruitful or otherwise
US Travelogue - The clogged Toilet
So my dear dear folks.. whats the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear United States of America?
Skyscrappers, Zooming vehicles, Scantily clad girls (cant take that out for the guys who are reading), Smiling Americans, Confused Desis, Smooth Roads, Pedestrians actually following traffic rules, Men keeping the door open for the ladies (without ogling at them), The Green Dollar bills, The yankee accent...
i know the list is never ending...
The facination about USA is palpable in India. Few know where Amritsar is but everyone knows where America is.
so when my toilet clogged on my first Monday in The USA (yes. you read that correct.. its about my Toilet)
so when it clogged, i gave a call to my Leasing office and left for my office. Office is a funny place that defied all my notions about Americans being private people.I am hardly a week old in the office and i know every single detail about my american colleague's Bone Marrow Biopsy.. now now... i cant tell him what hypochondriac soul i am so i had to listen in cause he was apparantly telling it to someone on the phone without slightest botheration about the fact that all the four cubicles around him were noting down the details in case they needed one of those in future!!!
Whether or not i had the intention of listening to a medical procedure that i have seen 100 times in House MD on AXN and is shit scared of but i still had to listen and simultaneously work on Test Plan for Lockbox Matching in Oracle R12( thats never going to see the light of the day.)
so toilet.. yes so i left for the office bragging like any average Indian Areee Ho jayega dekh aajke din me hi... This is USA not India.... Yes. I did make face!
I was so confident about Obama Government, that i didnt bother to call up the leasing office once again to check if they had cleared the mess...
I smirked, smirked and smirked some more on my way home and then The United States Of America and President Obama dissapointed me big time.
The Mess was still there... my precious toilet was still clogged.
We both looked at each other with hapless eyes.
1 - Our toilet was clogged to the hilt (i know quite graphic..sorry)
2 - We have only one toilet
3 - There is no place in vicinity where we could relieve ourselves (there are some cons of 'This is USA not India')
4 - Our neighbours are all guys and by the looks of it, they would have hid themselves in closets or worse ran away for an hour had we asked them if we could use their loo for all obvious reasons.
Toilet was clogged. No plumbers in vicinity so we super chicks thought of maha super idea and we went to our gym. Now Now...We did not have access card. Luckily one of our colleague cum friend was running on trademill. We didnt have phone to call him either so we waved,clapped, hooted, thumped...and then practically danced in front of the glass door so that he could see us and let us in. Yes finally we were noticed but by all americans. They looked at us with the same amusement that i had shown a few days back for the monkeys i saw on an African Safari in San Antonio. We made poor face and then this colleague of mine noticed us and finally we were in. We behaved in such a gentlewomanly way till all the occupants of the gym were in sight... the moment we saw toilets, we were so happy as if we had seen The White House.
We hi-fived and went in to find the toilet clogged and overflowing. YIKES! was the first and last reaction as we ran out. Americans were looking at us and at the room turn by turn and i would have laughed loudly had we werent the butt of joke!!
Next was the Swimming Pool. We circled it as if it was the sacred temple. We deliberated over using swimming pool as the toilet but poor kids were splashing in the water and decided against it.
found a shower room though but it was a shower room!!
no toilets inside, we both came out with sunken face and bloated tummies.
thats when our gym-colleague saw us and understood our problem... guys!! they can be so clever sometimes!
he then phoned his roomies and asked them to keep the toilet ready (whatever he meant by that)
we were embarrassed as hell and giggly too but finally we went to his place and its not wrong when they say that when you relieve yourself after an urgent need, the pleasure is next to that of an orgasm.
I cursed the entire community of plumbers in one go and the very famous 'inner voice' of mine mocked me for mocking at India a few hours ago.
1 My Toilet In India NEVER Clogged.
2 If it did, i just had to tell my neighbour aunty and she would have offered me a cup of chai on my way out of her toilet.
3 I could have got a plumber in less than half an hour even though he did not have a 'voicemail' and a 'car' (please read these two words in american accent to know how i felt after leaving three 'urgent' voicemails on my complex's plumber's phone)
4 I was not required to pay INR2500 (i.e. $50 with exchange rate of 50Rs per Dollar) for a stupid, moronic toilet cleaning.
5 In a bad scenario, i could have gone out in a mall, use their loo and come out fresh and clean..chakachak..without any hassle of begging for a car and then for a driver first. chalte jao..chalte aao..
6 In worst case scenario, i could have obtained a dabba and would have gone to Kurla's railway tracks or Vashi's mangroves!!!!
Thats why i say India is the Best...
Skyscrappers, Zooming vehicles, Scantily clad girls (cant take that out for the guys who are reading), Smiling Americans, Confused Desis, Smooth Roads, Pedestrians actually following traffic rules, Men keeping the door open for the ladies (without ogling at them), The Green Dollar bills, The yankee accent...
i know the list is never ending...
The facination about USA is palpable in India. Few know where Amritsar is but everyone knows where America is.
so when my toilet clogged on my first Monday in The USA (yes. you read that correct.. its about my Toilet)
so when it clogged, i gave a call to my Leasing office and left for my office. Office is a funny place that defied all my notions about Americans being private people.I am hardly a week old in the office and i know every single detail about my american colleague's Bone Marrow Biopsy.. now now... i cant tell him what hypochondriac soul i am so i had to listen in cause he was apparantly telling it to someone on the phone without slightest botheration about the fact that all the four cubicles around him were noting down the details in case they needed one of those in future!!!
Whether or not i had the intention of listening to a medical procedure that i have seen 100 times in House MD on AXN and is shit scared of but i still had to listen and simultaneously work on Test Plan for Lockbox Matching in Oracle R12( thats never going to see the light of the day.)
so toilet.. yes so i left for the office bragging like any average Indian Areee Ho jayega dekh aajke din me hi... This is USA not India.... Yes. I did make face!
I was so confident about Obama Government, that i didnt bother to call up the leasing office once again to check if they had cleared the mess...
I smirked, smirked and smirked some more on my way home and then The United States Of America and President Obama dissapointed me big time.
The Mess was still there... my precious toilet was still clogged.
We both looked at each other with hapless eyes.
1 - Our toilet was clogged to the hilt (i know quite graphic..sorry)
2 - We have only one toilet
3 - There is no place in vicinity where we could relieve ourselves (there are some cons of 'This is USA not India')
4 - Our neighbours are all guys and by the looks of it, they would have hid themselves in closets or worse ran away for an hour had we asked them if we could use their loo for all obvious reasons.
Toilet was clogged. No plumbers in vicinity so we super chicks thought of maha super idea and we went to our gym. Now Now...We did not have access card. Luckily one of our colleague cum friend was running on trademill. We didnt have phone to call him either so we waved,clapped, hooted, thumped...and then practically danced in front of the glass door so that he could see us and let us in. Yes finally we were noticed but by all americans. They looked at us with the same amusement that i had shown a few days back for the monkeys i saw on an African Safari in San Antonio. We made poor face and then this colleague of mine noticed us and finally we were in. We behaved in such a gentlewomanly way till all the occupants of the gym were in sight... the moment we saw toilets, we were so happy as if we had seen The White House.
We hi-fived and went in to find the toilet clogged and overflowing. YIKES! was the first and last reaction as we ran out. Americans were looking at us and at the room turn by turn and i would have laughed loudly had we werent the butt of joke!!
Next was the Swimming Pool. We circled it as if it was the sacred temple. We deliberated over using swimming pool as the toilet but poor kids were splashing in the water and decided against it.
found a shower room though but it was a shower room!!
no toilets inside, we both came out with sunken face and bloated tummies.
thats when our gym-colleague saw us and understood our problem... guys!! they can be so clever sometimes!
he then phoned his roomies and asked them to keep the toilet ready (whatever he meant by that)
we were embarrassed as hell and giggly too but finally we went to his place and its not wrong when they say that when you relieve yourself after an urgent need, the pleasure is next to that of an orgasm.
I cursed the entire community of plumbers in one go and the very famous 'inner voice' of mine mocked me for mocking at India a few hours ago.
1 My Toilet In India NEVER Clogged.
2 If it did, i just had to tell my neighbour aunty and she would have offered me a cup of chai on my way out of her toilet.
3 I could have got a plumber in less than half an hour even though he did not have a 'voicemail' and a 'car' (please read these two words in american accent to know how i felt after leaving three 'urgent' voicemails on my complex's plumber's phone)
4 I was not required to pay INR2500 (i.e. $50 with exchange rate of 50Rs per Dollar) for a stupid, moronic toilet cleaning.
5 In a bad scenario, i could have gone out in a mall, use their loo and come out fresh and clean..chakachak..without any hassle of begging for a car and then for a driver first. chalte jao..chalte aao..
6 In worst case scenario, i could have obtained a dabba and would have gone to Kurla's railway tracks or Vashi's mangroves!!!!
Thats why i say India is the Best...
Vamp vs Sati Savitri ;)
I know its so horribly late in the night....my body is too exhausted...and my bed beckoning me pretty seductively but i cant stop wondering thanks to my Ekta-Inspired young sis who was watching some saas bahu serial before i stomped off and removed the plug and my TV went zzzzzz...
yeah so i was wondering about The Vamp & The Sati Savitri.... those who are not mythological-ly inclined let me tell you that Savitri is supposedly the great woman who followed (pestered?) the God of Death Yama to resurrect (rollback?) her dead husband....she crossed valleys full of acid, volcanos, rivers full of what nots (dont remember exactly what it was - Lava or Fireballs), she answered all of Yama's trick questions and then much impressed Yama (or bored and wanting good riddance?) revived her husband and then Sati Savitri and her obscured husband lived happily ever after (where the husband wondered a lot of times as to why she brought him back only if she had to make him do all the chores at home and that he was rather good as dead tsk tsk tsk)
God! i always get so carried away in sub-texts..!!!
so i was wondering why all heroines (cheap cheap..lets call them female protagonist) are saintly... not only in their behavior & manners (Freud must be turning in his grave everytime one of these mahan nariyaan let go of her cheating husband scotfree and welcomes his illegitimate son (always the son!) warmly in the household) but they also dress appropriately. Their Sarees never flashy or full of bling.. Their make up is present in sickness or health but always subtle... a nice bindi, some cool bangles and their face always shine with an aura that can put a flood light to shame... They utter every damn word with respect and never even once have i seen a Sati Savitri Protogonist actually using swear words.. They wont even curse loudly. They always love their husband even if he is Prem Chopra reincarnated...They teach their (sickningly sweet) children every ounce of culture that they can digest...They weep silently without telling anyone (or smudging their kajal & mascara)... They always hurridely try and wipe their faces when someone checks on them while crying....They can cook so very cool without any help from the maid servent and then then stand before their Pati Parmeshwar and serve him with such a homely expression that husband would melt like the butter on the hot paratha.. They never fall ill...they never get itchy at the most difficult places... they never hog like a pig...they never are worried about inflation...(nor are their husbands... i mean having extra marital affair in recession is too much..) and most importantly whenever they appear (glide??) on the screen, a soft tune plays in the background or even a Bhajan or Kirtan... when their (Good For Nothing Else) husbands play romance romance (once every 540 episodes), they blush like a teenager...giggle like teenager...Music at this point of time cant be of a Bhajan or Kirtan (for god's sake) so they play some (stolen) melody or cheaper option is that they play single flute or chimes...
On the contrary, when vamps enter, suddenly all drums, plates, turn tables and what not musical instruments come to life all at once..so they get a grand musical (however horrible) entry... their sarees are always flashy... these ladies are even brand consicous... i am sure they wake their husband dead early in the morning so that they can start drawing bindi on her forehead... so that by the time its time to come out for the breakfast, they are done with the unique design and rainbow colors and bling..
if they are married (which they almost all the time are!) their huband is always a doormat with expressions so sluggish that even a slug would die of shame.
One best thing about them is that they talk to themselves in public... they can gloat, plan, conspire to kill, smirk all in public without a single man calling in ambulance from the nearest Mental Asylum.... their dirty plans are never heard by anyone...they can very well go and stand next to the mike while muttering but they are safe...
They wear earrings that can double up for bangles... they are always stick thin...They are always twirling their index finger in already curly hair to keep it that way.... their mom in law (and other relatives) are already dead....(or they are atleast planning for it)... they never have to cross the path to kitchen... neither are they expected to serve their husband...their entire life revolves around the Sati Savitri Proto and how to kill her/defeat her/out-maneuver her etc etc...
but frankly speaking i love Vamps... they are quite close to how most of the people feel inside for most of their lives... if only could one khun was maf or people would call you sexy like Dr. House on FOX when he speaks his no-holds-barred mind..*sigh*
Vamps are in... they are smart...atleast they do something other than crying and fasting for their husband's long life...
Tata,
Himali
PS: Now Now this does not mean i AM a Vamp... but i would hateeeeeee to be the Sati Savitri described as above...
yeah so i was wondering about The Vamp & The Sati Savitri.... those who are not mythological-ly inclined let me tell you that Savitri is supposedly the great woman who followed (pestered?) the God of Death Yama to resurrect (rollback?) her dead husband....she crossed valleys full of acid, volcanos, rivers full of what nots (dont remember exactly what it was - Lava or Fireballs), she answered all of Yama's trick questions and then much impressed Yama (or bored and wanting good riddance?) revived her husband and then Sati Savitri and her obscured husband lived happily ever after (where the husband wondered a lot of times as to why she brought him back only if she had to make him do all the chores at home and that he was rather good as dead tsk tsk tsk)
God! i always get so carried away in sub-texts..!!!
so i was wondering why all heroines (cheap cheap..lets call them female protagonist) are saintly... not only in their behavior & manners (Freud must be turning in his grave everytime one of these mahan nariyaan let go of her cheating husband scotfree and welcomes his illegitimate son (always the son!) warmly in the household) but they also dress appropriately. Their Sarees never flashy or full of bling.. Their make up is present in sickness or health but always subtle... a nice bindi, some cool bangles and their face always shine with an aura that can put a flood light to shame... They utter every damn word with respect and never even once have i seen a Sati Savitri Protogonist actually using swear words.. They wont even curse loudly. They always love their husband even if he is Prem Chopra reincarnated...They teach their (sickningly sweet) children every ounce of culture that they can digest...They weep silently without telling anyone (or smudging their kajal & mascara)... They always hurridely try and wipe their faces when someone checks on them while crying....They can cook so very cool without any help from the maid servent and then then stand before their Pati Parmeshwar and serve him with such a homely expression that husband would melt like the butter on the hot paratha.. They never fall ill...they never get itchy at the most difficult places... they never hog like a pig...they never are worried about inflation...(nor are their husbands... i mean having extra marital affair in recession is too much..) and most importantly whenever they appear (glide??) on the screen, a soft tune plays in the background or even a Bhajan or Kirtan... when their (Good For Nothing Else) husbands play romance romance (once every 540 episodes), they blush like a teenager...giggle like teenager...Music at this point of time cant be of a Bhajan or Kirtan (for god's sake) so they play some (stolen) melody or cheaper option is that they play single flute or chimes...
On the contrary, when vamps enter, suddenly all drums, plates, turn tables and what not musical instruments come to life all at once..so they get a grand musical (however horrible) entry... their sarees are always flashy... these ladies are even brand consicous... i am sure they wake their husband dead early in the morning so that they can start drawing bindi on her forehead... so that by the time its time to come out for the breakfast, they are done with the unique design and rainbow colors and bling..
if they are married (which they almost all the time are!) their huband is always a doormat with expressions so sluggish that even a slug would die of shame.
One best thing about them is that they talk to themselves in public... they can gloat, plan, conspire to kill, smirk all in public without a single man calling in ambulance from the nearest Mental Asylum.... their dirty plans are never heard by anyone...they can very well go and stand next to the mike while muttering but they are safe...
They wear earrings that can double up for bangles... they are always stick thin...They are always twirling their index finger in already curly hair to keep it that way.... their mom in law (and other relatives) are already dead....(or they are atleast planning for it)... they never have to cross the path to kitchen... neither are they expected to serve their husband...their entire life revolves around the Sati Savitri Proto and how to kill her/defeat her/out-maneuver her etc etc...
but frankly speaking i love Vamps... they are quite close to how most of the people feel inside for most of their lives... if only could one khun was maf or people would call you sexy like Dr. House on FOX when he speaks his no-holds-barred mind..*sigh*
Vamps are in... they are smart...atleast they do something other than crying and fasting for their husband's long life...
Tata,
Himali
PS: Now Now this does not mean i AM a Vamp... but i would hateeeeeee to be the Sati Savitri described as above...
On The Way....
Today i am sporting a new hair cut... paid a bomb and it all looks the same.. :(
Today all my facial skin tissues are cursing me for all the scrubbing, pinching, massaging, pulling that i subjected them to in a beauty parlour.. :(
Today i checked for my clearance thinking miracles do exists, by that atleast some people in Patni must have worked worth the penny they are getting paid for but no suck luck... out of 21, i see only 5 clearances actually done. Rest are all pending and that means i can not take a day off to calm my fraying nerves before i get onto the plane :(
Today i checked all my lists, texts, sub lists, sub texts, shopping list and realized that the allowed baggage limit is inversely proportional to the rate with which i have shopped.
Today i checked all my Invoices, Bills Paid, credit card bills, Remittance advices from bank ATMs etc and realized i have almost blown up my entire 'Performance Bonus' which wasnt much to begin with :(
Today my throat is jammed and everytime i open my mouth either to speak or to eat, it pains me some more..i cant complain.. i have gulped down too many chilled bottles of Slice and have been yelling at top of my voice in my office..it had to happen..
Today i went to Big Bazaar tad too early and had to eat breakfast at McD which wasnt too good for my taste...i dont fancy eating Paneer or Chicken at the start of the day... couldnt 'hang out' outside cause of Sun and mall was closed! no wonder India loses so much business every damn day.. (They actually have a small pep talk at the beginning of the day for all their sales staff over their paging system at Big Bazaar....management actually wished Happy Selling to all its counter staff... kinda cool... Patni should implement it too... Happy Client Fooling.. wow that would be fun...)
Today i went in for a rather late lunch and hotel offered us 'only snacks' so at 3.30 PM, i ate Pizza - 7 Jewels (i asked them to minus one Jewel - Mushrooms...not quite fond of them) and Vegetable pakoda etc etc instead of proper lunch...
so many bad things to happen or rather such an average day today... *yawn*
BUT
When i went to the shoe section in Big Bazaar, i saw a Buy One Get One Free offer and i hurrayed in my mind and even jumped. My budget allowed me only one but i was going to get another free free free for the same cost.. yieppe... so i saw these handsome ballet shoes in copper brown color with the customery bow on the top of the lining...loved them so bought them and then got a simple pair of shoe for the flight absolutely free... there isnt even trace of heel to them... being a stilettoes fan i hate to admit this but these flats are so comfortable..
Just some time back i was sitting in McD wondering what to order...and i got this awesome coffee to redeem the Paneer on the menu. It relaxed my aching throat so much... had another refill and drank...
my throat felt so bloody good... also repriminded my Hypochondriac mind that it cant be 'a tumor of the wind pipe pressing onto my throat' such complex disease would not pay heed to steaming coffee..hurray..i am healthy for the moment...
Dad loved the Hashbrown MacD sold so got him one more..
saw to my heart's content my dad throwing caushion to wind about diabetis and digging into Hashbrown thats nothing but Aloo-Mash fried deep golden brown...
Got him one more... afterall i wont be seeing him eating like this for a very very long time now... :(
My early arrival got me these precious little moments with my dad that i would miss very sourly...
and then i met Mahi and Priti... they came up all the way from Puna to see me off.... they started their bickering the moment they set their feet on Bombay grounds but i love this couple...
they were fighting but their arms were linked together... quite adorable in a very non sickeningly sweet way...
They wanted to go to Siddhivinayak temple so i got one more chance... somehow got the darshan without much shoves and punches... felt so good..
Joined us few hours later were Deepti and Pankaj...
Deepti had given up on her important appointment with her Internetwala...
and Pankaj had given up on joining one of his relative's pre wedding customs..
God! i felt so good... but we are not so formal around each other so that i could say thanks...
hope they understood that i felt indebted for their visit and their well wishes for my career, my life and my onsite...
I love these friends of mine who with such simple and thoughful gesture made me felt so good that i dont have words to describe how overwhelmed i still am...
i may not have friends who would sing praises for me...but they surely would miss me when i am away..
Thank you guys!!! These moments today, i will cherish forever... and whenever i come back, we shall again have such good times together... and this time we would follow the schedule and go for actual lunch... :)
TaTa
Himali
Today all my facial skin tissues are cursing me for all the scrubbing, pinching, massaging, pulling that i subjected them to in a beauty parlour.. :(
Today i checked for my clearance thinking miracles do exists, by that atleast some people in Patni must have worked worth the penny they are getting paid for but no suck luck... out of 21, i see only 5 clearances actually done. Rest are all pending and that means i can not take a day off to calm my fraying nerves before i get onto the plane :(
Today i checked all my lists, texts, sub lists, sub texts, shopping list and realized that the allowed baggage limit is inversely proportional to the rate with which i have shopped.
Today i checked all my Invoices, Bills Paid, credit card bills, Remittance advices from bank ATMs etc and realized i have almost blown up my entire 'Performance Bonus' which wasnt much to begin with :(
Today my throat is jammed and everytime i open my mouth either to speak or to eat, it pains me some more..i cant complain.. i have gulped down too many chilled bottles of Slice and have been yelling at top of my voice in my office..it had to happen..
Today i went to Big Bazaar tad too early and had to eat breakfast at McD which wasnt too good for my taste...i dont fancy eating Paneer or Chicken at the start of the day... couldnt 'hang out' outside cause of Sun and mall was closed! no wonder India loses so much business every damn day.. (They actually have a small pep talk at the beginning of the day for all their sales staff over their paging system at Big Bazaar....management actually wished Happy Selling to all its counter staff... kinda cool... Patni should implement it too... Happy Client Fooling.. wow that would be fun...)
Today i went in for a rather late lunch and hotel offered us 'only snacks' so at 3.30 PM, i ate Pizza - 7 Jewels (i asked them to minus one Jewel - Mushrooms...not quite fond of them) and Vegetable pakoda etc etc instead of proper lunch...
so many bad things to happen or rather such an average day today... *yawn*
BUT
When i went to the shoe section in Big Bazaar, i saw a Buy One Get One Free offer and i hurrayed in my mind and even jumped. My budget allowed me only one but i was going to get another free free free for the same cost.. yieppe... so i saw these handsome ballet shoes in copper brown color with the customery bow on the top of the lining...loved them so bought them and then got a simple pair of shoe for the flight absolutely free... there isnt even trace of heel to them... being a stilettoes fan i hate to admit this but these flats are so comfortable..
Just some time back i was sitting in McD wondering what to order...and i got this awesome coffee to redeem the Paneer on the menu. It relaxed my aching throat so much... had another refill and drank...
my throat felt so bloody good... also repriminded my Hypochondriac mind that it cant be 'a tumor of the wind pipe pressing onto my throat' such complex disease would not pay heed to steaming coffee..hurray..i am healthy for the moment...
Dad loved the Hashbrown MacD sold so got him one more..
saw to my heart's content my dad throwing caushion to wind about diabetis and digging into Hashbrown thats nothing but Aloo-Mash fried deep golden brown...
Got him one more... afterall i wont be seeing him eating like this for a very very long time now... :(
My early arrival got me these precious little moments with my dad that i would miss very sourly...
and then i met Mahi and Priti... they came up all the way from Puna to see me off.... they started their bickering the moment they set their feet on Bombay grounds but i love this couple...
they were fighting but their arms were linked together... quite adorable in a very non sickeningly sweet way...
They wanted to go to Siddhivinayak temple so i got one more chance... somehow got the darshan without much shoves and punches... felt so good..
Joined us few hours later were Deepti and Pankaj...
Deepti had given up on her important appointment with her Internetwala...
and Pankaj had given up on joining one of his relative's pre wedding customs..
God! i felt so good... but we are not so formal around each other so that i could say thanks...
hope they understood that i felt indebted for their visit and their well wishes for my career, my life and my onsite...
I love these friends of mine who with such simple and thoughful gesture made me felt so good that i dont have words to describe how overwhelmed i still am...
i may not have friends who would sing praises for me...but they surely would miss me when i am away..
Thank you guys!!! These moments today, i will cherish forever... and whenever i come back, we shall again have such good times together... and this time we would follow the schedule and go for actual lunch... :)
TaTa
Himali
To set the record 'Straight' ;)
As the title suggests this is just to set the record straight.
i do NOT judge people based on who they sleep with. I am NOT homophoebic. I have NO objection with a man liking another man or a woman liking another woman 'That Way'. which way? who cares!! as long as the involved parties are ok with it, noone has any business of questioning them including me.
What i was trying to state today in much heated (and later laughed about) debate is that i do not see myself loving another woman 'That Way'. I prefer men...err man..Ok..alright. To make it even more specific lets say that i like men with enterprising and industrious mind. Someone who has sharp wit & terrific sense of humor to match mine and who is not 'baccha' types or too easily available. so by the virtue of relativity i can assume that i made my orientation pretty 'Straight' ;)
but but but.. thats my life and my decision. what i do not see suitable for me, i can not hold it against everyone. ( I call Chetan Bhagat Trash...but i dont forbid my friends from buying Three Mistakes of My Life.. yes. I try to influence them not to.. :-P..but i never stop them..) So coming back to the current topic, if a friend of mine prefers a partner of same gender, I wouldnt force them to come out clean (who is clean these days by the way? Date rapes, pre marital sex, extra marital sex, open marriages, one night stands, fuck buddies, friendship with benefits...list can go on some more..) but at the same time i wouldnt be ashamed to call him/her my friend if they decide to break the closet.
If such a couple is committed in their relationship, offering each other support thats much needed given the way society treats them... they are much much better than those i see in malls..roaming around with two different partners (of opposite and prefered by society gender) at two different times.
so those who felt i was on defensive mode during the debate today, this is a public declaration of me being nonjudgemental about anyone's sexual preference in their lives as long as they are dignified about it...
Hope this helps a few people drop some serious (and baseless) charges against me ;)
Tata,
Himali
PS: I know i am going off the track with this one but cant help sharing...
saw a young, newly married Punjabi couple hoarding a tiny changing room in Shopper's Stop with one garment in hand which wont take 10 minutes to be worn and appraised of ( should i make it 5 since appraisee had an extra pair of hands to help and appraiser just by the side? ;))
As with the levels of hormones that must be making them less and less inhibitating, they did not even bother to hide their grand (and urgent if i can guess) entry and giggling exit!!!!!
By the way they generated so much of curiousity and elbow poking, jealousy, once-upon-a-time sighs (amongst the men), giggling (amongst the personal buyers), creases on heads (mine and lot others who were waiting for the room to get vacant (and clean most prolly!!!), i feel India is still far too behind to accept sex with all its normalcy. So those who dont want to come out of their closet because of their so called abnormalities are well justified....
PPS: One sentence for such horny couples.....please for the sake of humanity GET A ROOM!!!! and not the changing room!
i do NOT judge people based on who they sleep with. I am NOT homophoebic. I have NO objection with a man liking another man or a woman liking another woman 'That Way'. which way? who cares!! as long as the involved parties are ok with it, noone has any business of questioning them including me.
What i was trying to state today in much heated (and later laughed about) debate is that i do not see myself loving another woman 'That Way'. I prefer men...err man..Ok..alright. To make it even more specific lets say that i like men with enterprising and industrious mind. Someone who has sharp wit & terrific sense of humor to match mine and who is not 'baccha' types or too easily available. so by the virtue of relativity i can assume that i made my orientation pretty 'Straight' ;)
but but but.. thats my life and my decision. what i do not see suitable for me, i can not hold it against everyone. ( I call Chetan Bhagat Trash...but i dont forbid my friends from buying Three Mistakes of My Life.. yes. I try to influence them not to.. :-P..but i never stop them..) So coming back to the current topic, if a friend of mine prefers a partner of same gender, I wouldnt force them to come out clean (who is clean these days by the way? Date rapes, pre marital sex, extra marital sex, open marriages, one night stands, fuck buddies, friendship with benefits...list can go on some more..) but at the same time i wouldnt be ashamed to call him/her my friend if they decide to break the closet.
If such a couple is committed in their relationship, offering each other support thats much needed given the way society treats them... they are much much better than those i see in malls..roaming around with two different partners (of opposite and prefered by society gender) at two different times.
so those who felt i was on defensive mode during the debate today, this is a public declaration of me being nonjudgemental about anyone's sexual preference in their lives as long as they are dignified about it...
Hope this helps a few people drop some serious (and baseless) charges against me ;)
Tata,
Himali
PS: I know i am going off the track with this one but cant help sharing...
saw a young, newly married Punjabi couple hoarding a tiny changing room in Shopper's Stop with one garment in hand which wont take 10 minutes to be worn and appraised of ( should i make it 5 since appraisee had an extra pair of hands to help and appraiser just by the side? ;))
As with the levels of hormones that must be making them less and less inhibitating, they did not even bother to hide their grand (and urgent if i can guess) entry and giggling exit!!!!!
By the way they generated so much of curiousity and elbow poking, jealousy, once-upon-a-time sighs (amongst the men), giggling (amongst the personal buyers), creases on heads (mine and lot others who were waiting for the room to get vacant (and clean most prolly!!!), i feel India is still far too behind to accept sex with all its normalcy. So those who dont want to come out of their closet because of their so called abnormalities are well justified....
PPS: One sentence for such horny couples.....please for the sake of humanity GET A ROOM!!!! and not the changing room!
Last Year That Was...
No matter how old you get, your birthday remains one day where you want to be a kid again. You want your loved ones to indulge you in the frivolities. Blow the candles, make a wish (or may be two ;)), cut the cake, get it smothered on your face, laugh out loud with those who remembered the special day.
This also is the day to either count another year off your life or start looking forward to the dawning ahead...
A balance sheet that makes me take stock of what i gained, what i lost, what i beheld, what i let go, what made me smile, what made me cry... the list is endless. Accounting has a rule for balance sheets though. The Credit and The Debit should match at all times... but for the balance sheet of my life it seldom does :)
This year started on a very very disappointing note. A very good friendship was ruined for life in an effort to make it more than what it was worth. A hollow feeling that followed me with broken heart was terrifying. A brief patch of time when world was not worth living in, when every night i ended up sitting in my bed staring at the sky, when every day of life was a chore to accomplish, i lived because i was too scared of dying.
What followed next was a zealous wave of indifference. Me mattered the most, my happiness was the only goal. Quite noble but i was getting carried away with a false sense of freedom and wariness. Lost some more precious relations while mourning for one that was never meant to happen.
Slowly indifference was replaced with suspicion and paranoia. No one in the whole world was worth trusting with my life, my heart, my feelings or rather the lack of them.
But my Job saved me from the drag that threatened to end up in nothingness. My work became my savior. What i lacked in personal life was overcompensated in my professional one. Responsibilities and more responsibilities attached themselves to me happily. I was content.
What else was i looking for in my failed relationship afterall? a sense of belongingness and importance.
what a man and a so called relationship failed to give me, my job did. god! thats corny isnt it? ;) but may be its not. Work piled and so with it came recognition and a dependablity that others felt around me. I loved it when they called me indispensable. i was finally something that wasnt easy to replace for someone,be it just for my project team.
Slogged my ass off. My friends were busy partying, enjoying life, living it fullest. Some of them switched jobs, teased hell out of me for being "Patni loyal". Some stayed back with me cursing however ... i was busy writing bank transmission files manually but with almost the same accuracy of the bank machine. My eyes were for the numbers and they were for mine.
Life started and ended with office and work. Not that i was lackdaisical in my work ever..thats not my type but my determination to do better in life was met with the force within... a force that wanted to channelize itself for my betterment.. a force that was directed in an entirely wrong way earlier.. I was so engrossed in pleasing a man, pleasing the world that was wrapped around him that i had forgotten where my own happiness lay. It was like Arabian Night's story. Like the demon i believed or rather i liked to believe that my life was caged in a parrot. The demon would do anything to keep the parrot protected but caged. I did the same. I kept my own happiness caged in someone else's happiness. My job helped me break free.
And slowly but steadily i came out of the trauma... i am essentially a happy person who loves to laugh out loud and have merry times. Those original genes somehow refused to mutate into a sad and hopeless copy of theirs. Life came back to me with full force... Not that there werent moments of dejectedness or loneliness. I would often feel lonely in room full of chattering people but my work, my lovely colleagues, my friends...everyone helped me understand that being lonely was a state of mind that we ourselves put us into. Noone else or their absense can make you feel lonely if you dont accept it. and Whoa! i wasnt lonely at all... These people taught me that there is no point in keeping the eyes closed with a fear that a fleck of dust would make you cry...I opened my eyes and may be for the first time in my life learnt to appreciate true beauty of the people surrounding me... Their banters, their smiles, their chatter..everything was so full of zest that i was ready to get back on with my life... and i did!
I agree. I did not make any new friends this year but i learnt to appreciate those who i have.
I agree. I did not have a social life other than my office but even that taught me so much about the nuances of life.
I agree. I was scared to fall in love again but i finally did and it felt so beautiful as if i werent hurt ever. May be it was the time when i understood that when you love someone truly, madly, deeply you become strong but when someone loves you truly, madly, deeply, it gives you courage.
So this year was that not only made me strong but gave me lot of courage as well....
Just want to thank God for being so kind. He allowed me to make wrong choices and take risks but he gave me learnings worth all the trouble.
Now with this new year...i again have a hope and faith to live my life on my own terms, for my own happiness :)
This also is the day to either count another year off your life or start looking forward to the dawning ahead...
A balance sheet that makes me take stock of what i gained, what i lost, what i beheld, what i let go, what made me smile, what made me cry... the list is endless. Accounting has a rule for balance sheets though. The Credit and The Debit should match at all times... but for the balance sheet of my life it seldom does :)
This year started on a very very disappointing note. A very good friendship was ruined for life in an effort to make it more than what it was worth. A hollow feeling that followed me with broken heart was terrifying. A brief patch of time when world was not worth living in, when every night i ended up sitting in my bed staring at the sky, when every day of life was a chore to accomplish, i lived because i was too scared of dying.
What followed next was a zealous wave of indifference. Me mattered the most, my happiness was the only goal. Quite noble but i was getting carried away with a false sense of freedom and wariness. Lost some more precious relations while mourning for one that was never meant to happen.
Slowly indifference was replaced with suspicion and paranoia. No one in the whole world was worth trusting with my life, my heart, my feelings or rather the lack of them.
But my Job saved me from the drag that threatened to end up in nothingness. My work became my savior. What i lacked in personal life was overcompensated in my professional one. Responsibilities and more responsibilities attached themselves to me happily. I was content.
What else was i looking for in my failed relationship afterall? a sense of belongingness and importance.
what a man and a so called relationship failed to give me, my job did. god! thats corny isnt it? ;) but may be its not. Work piled and so with it came recognition and a dependablity that others felt around me. I loved it when they called me indispensable. i was finally something that wasnt easy to replace for someone,be it just for my project team.
Slogged my ass off. My friends were busy partying, enjoying life, living it fullest. Some of them switched jobs, teased hell out of me for being "Patni loyal". Some stayed back with me cursing however ... i was busy writing bank transmission files manually but with almost the same accuracy of the bank machine. My eyes were for the numbers and they were for mine.
Life started and ended with office and work. Not that i was lackdaisical in my work ever..thats not my type but my determination to do better in life was met with the force within... a force that wanted to channelize itself for my betterment.. a force that was directed in an entirely wrong way earlier.. I was so engrossed in pleasing a man, pleasing the world that was wrapped around him that i had forgotten where my own happiness lay. It was like Arabian Night's story. Like the demon i believed or rather i liked to believe that my life was caged in a parrot. The demon would do anything to keep the parrot protected but caged. I did the same. I kept my own happiness caged in someone else's happiness. My job helped me break free.
And slowly but steadily i came out of the trauma... i am essentially a happy person who loves to laugh out loud and have merry times. Those original genes somehow refused to mutate into a sad and hopeless copy of theirs. Life came back to me with full force... Not that there werent moments of dejectedness or loneliness. I would often feel lonely in room full of chattering people but my work, my lovely colleagues, my friends...everyone helped me understand that being lonely was a state of mind that we ourselves put us into. Noone else or their absense can make you feel lonely if you dont accept it. and Whoa! i wasnt lonely at all... These people taught me that there is no point in keeping the eyes closed with a fear that a fleck of dust would make you cry...I opened my eyes and may be for the first time in my life learnt to appreciate true beauty of the people surrounding me... Their banters, their smiles, their chatter..everything was so full of zest that i was ready to get back on with my life... and i did!
I agree. I did not make any new friends this year but i learnt to appreciate those who i have.
I agree. I did not have a social life other than my office but even that taught me so much about the nuances of life.
I agree. I was scared to fall in love again but i finally did and it felt so beautiful as if i werent hurt ever. May be it was the time when i understood that when you love someone truly, madly, deeply you become strong but when someone loves you truly, madly, deeply, it gives you courage.
So this year was that not only made me strong but gave me lot of courage as well....
Just want to thank God for being so kind. He allowed me to make wrong choices and take risks but he gave me learnings worth all the trouble.
Now with this new year...i again have a hope and faith to live my life on my own terms, for my own happiness :)
Ambitiously Yours ;)
Most of the time when i am awake, my mind is abuzz with thousands of questions...some trivial, some philosophical, some mundane, some futuristic, some dwelling upon my past and some plain questions for no reason at all! one of such questions originated in my mind when i joined Patni as a fresher.. at 21, i was fresh out of college & managing day to day work was more than enough to keep a lot of questions away, this particular question then arose with respect to some of my female colleagues. Three years later, now, its no longer with respect to someone else...Now i face this question a lot myself & i cant feel any less amused or baffled. ( i know contradictory but thats my middle name ;))
why is it ok for a man to be ambitious, even ruthlessly so but its a huge put off for a woman to even think about it? Why is she termed as unfeminine if she is career oriented?
I receive a lot of incredulous looks when i say i am ambitious & i want to become VP of Patni's V&V Center of Excellence someday. i say so out of the confidence that i have it in me to get there. i am ready to put all my waking hours in my work & duties, to learn those extra special skills to become a good leader, a manager thereof. I am willing to keep my personal life on a side burner if not the back burner to be able to manage my professional space...and so on!
but it does not convince others.
Some think something is missing with me (may be a better chunk of brain ;)), some feel i am deviating from my natural maternal instincts (!), some wonder aloud if i come from a dysfunctional family to have such an aversion (?) towards a beautiful & universally acknowledged institution such as marriage(!!). some call me a machine devoid of feelings thats a pre-requisite of having a family. Some call me plain eccentric!
often i am tempted to give it back to them but i dont do it. Its wastage of time anyways.
our mental conditioning right from the time we are born is to believe that a man is the bread winner & the woman is for the family & home.
i would not challenge or question this age old belief cause this is what has made this world as balanced as it is today but then man has stopped being just the 'breadwinner' ages ago. Hasnt he?
He wants to excel in whatever he do. He is not merely satisfied with what he earns or what he conquers. There is always a demand for more, a competition for many. Sky is the limit!
Woman has also left her house to earn the butter for her breadwinner's bread... is it wrong now for her to think a little ahead & want to do better for herself?
Those who think that a better chunk of my brains is missing, i want to tell that its not missing. Its busy working on something thats so much more important than an inane discussion about my future that has to be as a woman!
For those who think i am deviating...well i am not! my maternal instincts are pretty much alive & kicking when i am around kids. I play with them, i spoil them rotten, i be a good 'maushi' or cool 'aatya'. Its not that my maternal instincts dry up the moment i think about my next meeting or assignment.
To add to the record, i do NOT come from a dysfunctional family. My parent's marriage is the best marriage i have ever seen. All the communication courses that i grudgingly had to undergo during my training suck big time when i see them communicating daily...sometimes without words. They are so very well arranged around each other that when they move, its like watching a whole piece move & not its two components. therefore i can never give up on the idea of marriage or counter-question its sanctity.
AND i do have feelings & emotions. Rather too many of them that i could spare a few ;)
I work passionately. Clocks stop chiming around me when i am busy working. i forget my luncheons & dinners, i forget my medicines, i forget my break times, i forget my pack up time..
so is Passion not a feeling? rather if i were devoid of it, i wouldnt have made it till this far!
i still go weak kneed when i see Robert Pattinson (not with Kristen Stuart though :( ), i still feel teleported to another world when i am reading Harry Potter. I still feel mesmerized with Hobbits. I am still in awe with Edward & Bella. I still curse as loudly as i can when there is a Ind vs Pak cricket or hockey match, i still sob uncontrollably when i have to go out of town to stay away from my parents & when i am watching last season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Mon & chandler talk about relocating. I still sing in the shower & blast out a Linkin Park song. I still want to be left buried in my bed, early in the morning when i am dreaming of my lavish wedding. I still go all awwww when i see cooing babies & soft toys, i still laugh out loud when a well timed joke is cracked, i still love to gossip & comment on someone else's dressing sense. i still feel motherly towards all my girlfriends when they are going through break ups or nasty PMS. I still love to dress up occasionally to attend a party. I still love to check out guys & wonder how would they be as boyfriends. I still feel all tingly when i am reading Pride & Prejudice or Helen Fielding. I still am curious enough to finish one Dan Brown's in single night. I still feel proud when i see my father being happy for all my achievements.
My ambitions do not make me any less of a girl than what i already have been but dont understand why people are confused about Ambition & feminity co-existing together!
To those who think i am eccentric, i have nothing to say. I am happy to be the way i am. Thank You very much! :)
I am 24 & i will get married when the time & the man is correct. I wouldnt want to make a career out of my marriage. I would keep them separate. I would get married to have a companion for lifetime & not to have a well earning husband who can fend for me. I would get married to someone who would respect my career as much as his. I would get married to someone whose career decision would not jeopardize mine. If ever, i felt like quitting my career for the sake of my babies, i would do so but it would be my will & my decision. It would not be forced down upon me. Till the time i find a man secure enough to allow me all of the above, i would wait happily & bask in the glory that has come with hard earned rewards at work.
I would gladly cook & clean but its because i want to do that for my loved ones, my family & not because i am born as a woman.
I will be a good wife, an excellent mother, a daughter to my in laws but all this will come more naturally to me if i am secure in my own space, when i am on terms with my inner self. When i am not left longing for a career that i could have had. When i wont feel something amiss while seeing other working women. When i would know for sure that i have been there & done that...When i wouldnt feel sorry for myself of giving up on my dream of making it big... I wouldnt mind giving up on my career once i make it, once i test my mettle against all odds but first let me reach there. Marriage and sorts can wait till then :)
why is it ok for a man to be ambitious, even ruthlessly so but its a huge put off for a woman to even think about it? Why is she termed as unfeminine if she is career oriented?
I receive a lot of incredulous looks when i say i am ambitious & i want to become VP of Patni's V&V Center of Excellence someday. i say so out of the confidence that i have it in me to get there. i am ready to put all my waking hours in my work & duties, to learn those extra special skills to become a good leader, a manager thereof. I am willing to keep my personal life on a side burner if not the back burner to be able to manage my professional space...and so on!
but it does not convince others.
Some think something is missing with me (may be a better chunk of brain ;)), some feel i am deviating from my natural maternal instincts (!), some wonder aloud if i come from a dysfunctional family to have such an aversion (?) towards a beautiful & universally acknowledged institution such as marriage(!!). some call me a machine devoid of feelings thats a pre-requisite of having a family. Some call me plain eccentric!
often i am tempted to give it back to them but i dont do it. Its wastage of time anyways.
our mental conditioning right from the time we are born is to believe that a man is the bread winner & the woman is for the family & home.
i would not challenge or question this age old belief cause this is what has made this world as balanced as it is today but then man has stopped being just the 'breadwinner' ages ago. Hasnt he?
He wants to excel in whatever he do. He is not merely satisfied with what he earns or what he conquers. There is always a demand for more, a competition for many. Sky is the limit!
Woman has also left her house to earn the butter for her breadwinner's bread... is it wrong now for her to think a little ahead & want to do better for herself?
Those who think that a better chunk of my brains is missing, i want to tell that its not missing. Its busy working on something thats so much more important than an inane discussion about my future that has to be as a woman!
For those who think i am deviating...well i am not! my maternal instincts are pretty much alive & kicking when i am around kids. I play with them, i spoil them rotten, i be a good 'maushi' or cool 'aatya'. Its not that my maternal instincts dry up the moment i think about my next meeting or assignment.
To add to the record, i do NOT come from a dysfunctional family. My parent's marriage is the best marriage i have ever seen. All the communication courses that i grudgingly had to undergo during my training suck big time when i see them communicating daily...sometimes without words. They are so very well arranged around each other that when they move, its like watching a whole piece move & not its two components. therefore i can never give up on the idea of marriage or counter-question its sanctity.
AND i do have feelings & emotions. Rather too many of them that i could spare a few ;)
I work passionately. Clocks stop chiming around me when i am busy working. i forget my luncheons & dinners, i forget my medicines, i forget my break times, i forget my pack up time..
so is Passion not a feeling? rather if i were devoid of it, i wouldnt have made it till this far!
i still go weak kneed when i see Robert Pattinson (not with Kristen Stuart though :( ), i still feel teleported to another world when i am reading Harry Potter. I still feel mesmerized with Hobbits. I am still in awe with Edward & Bella. I still curse as loudly as i can when there is a Ind vs Pak cricket or hockey match, i still sob uncontrollably when i have to go out of town to stay away from my parents & when i am watching last season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Mon & chandler talk about relocating. I still sing in the shower & blast out a Linkin Park song. I still want to be left buried in my bed, early in the morning when i am dreaming of my lavish wedding. I still go all awwww when i see cooing babies & soft toys, i still laugh out loud when a well timed joke is cracked, i still love to gossip & comment on someone else's dressing sense. i still feel motherly towards all my girlfriends when they are going through break ups or nasty PMS. I still love to dress up occasionally to attend a party. I still love to check out guys & wonder how would they be as boyfriends. I still feel all tingly when i am reading Pride & Prejudice or Helen Fielding. I still am curious enough to finish one Dan Brown's in single night. I still feel proud when i see my father being happy for all my achievements.
My ambitions do not make me any less of a girl than what i already have been but dont understand why people are confused about Ambition & feminity co-existing together!
To those who think i am eccentric, i have nothing to say. I am happy to be the way i am. Thank You very much! :)
I am 24 & i will get married when the time & the man is correct. I wouldnt want to make a career out of my marriage. I would keep them separate. I would get married to have a companion for lifetime & not to have a well earning husband who can fend for me. I would get married to someone who would respect my career as much as his. I would get married to someone whose career decision would not jeopardize mine. If ever, i felt like quitting my career for the sake of my babies, i would do so but it would be my will & my decision. It would not be forced down upon me. Till the time i find a man secure enough to allow me all of the above, i would wait happily & bask in the glory that has come with hard earned rewards at work.
I would gladly cook & clean but its because i want to do that for my loved ones, my family & not because i am born as a woman.
I will be a good wife, an excellent mother, a daughter to my in laws but all this will come more naturally to me if i am secure in my own space, when i am on terms with my inner self. When i am not left longing for a career that i could have had. When i wont feel something amiss while seeing other working women. When i would know for sure that i have been there & done that...When i wouldnt feel sorry for myself of giving up on my dream of making it big... I wouldnt mind giving up on my career once i make it, once i test my mettle against all odds but first let me reach there. Marriage and sorts can wait till then :)
Life @ patni - The First Year!
As the clock strikes 12 tonight, i finish my 3 long years with Patni. phew!!!! as i wrote on Facebook.. its been a roller coaster ride with no puking.. ;)
A lot of times, as the trend is, i am expected to call names to my employer....i am suppose to laugh at Jokes like PATNI stands for Pathetic Appraisal Through No Increments...if i am in good mood, i do.
but most of the times i dont!
If our own experiences form our beliefs i dont see any reason why i should curse Patni.
Bad remuneration! yes sir! i have been through that. Even after a promotion, for a very long time my package has been lesser than that of a Fresher's but there are so many other things that redeem this one fault...
Right from day one i have got good opportunities. I know i would have been loser of a developer had i chosen to remain one. No development aptitude what so ever..Patni gave me a chance to acknowledge the fact, accept it with dignity & move ahead with another alternative...
Testing or what we glorify it by calling Quality Assurance ;)
i would pat my back here a little that i did not succumb to other's opinions about Testing being a loser's job. 99 out of 100 people told me that there was no future in testing & that one day i would repent my decision of changing from Mainframe development to Testing...
few classes in COBOL & i was sorted. Thats when people from FSBU hurried to help me...they wanted people having out of box thinking & analytical aptitude (Glorification yet again ;)) for their prestigious project for ABN AMRO...my mind snapped into action...better be an excellent tester than an average developer... Assessment for the batch of 70 people went on for a whole day... writing papers to fake triage meetings to group discussions... was exhausted at the end of the day...but whoa i was selected.... i was one of those 15 people who would change track from MF to testing....but the real competition was far ahead....only 4 of these 15 would go to the much touted ABN Project...the rest would go to Fidelity...a good option job security wise but i wanted to be one of those 4....so there started a grueling schedule of PPT preparation every single day. we would be given a testing related topic in the afternoon & we were suppose to ready a presentation next day in the morning to be given to our entire team and our Project Manager, two team leads & our BDO. i was a fresher...just out of college..wasnt sure of what to do but kept at it & finally the day arrived when the final lucky 4 were to be selected... speculations were flying high...& finally when my name was announced, i looked straight at my PM. she smiled & my face changed in a second...i am sure it was more like the Fair & Lovely ad where you can see it glowing step by step...mine glowed instantaneously ;)
This project needed me to learn Data Warehousing... Informatica to be precise...
it was a workflow designed for ABN AMRO using Informatica to identify possible transactions with Money Laundering as the purpose. so thats how people turned their black money into white...was amused... learning finance was good but informatica was pain!
all its arrows going in & out of the data models would torture me...i would give up..but my PM was one hell of a motivator...she would single me out, sit with me & teach me personally how to build those horrid data models...i learned & i learned fast...finally when "Data Coverage" module was assigned to me, i was short of heaven by inches... i gave my PM a thankful nod...that was one important module...a smaller one but the most critical....
after four years of being an average engineer struggling to keep up with 40 mandatory marks to keep KTs at the bay, this sense of importance was refreshing...
Slogged my ass off..was terrified to hear UK based client....i would look at my PM intently to understand desperately what the british was blabbering in his propah UK accented English...
at one point of time my desperation would grow so much that i would stare at my PM with as much concentration as the deaf & mute children have to pay to 'understand' whats being told...
a few days like this & i could understand what the British were talking... it went on to become so good that i could scowl at their mention of a recent England vs India cricket match where india had (obviously) lost to them.
As my fate could have it, The Blasted Barclays took over ABN, they scrapped our entire project citing no funds...now now..you have bloody pots of pounds to take over a bank but you dont have enough money to let a project run.
Suddenly we were called in the conference room & we were as good as jobless...our project was no longer on. I had never seen my ever smiling PM that depressed but she still cheered us on..asked us to take this in right spirit & move on....
we were transported from The Desk to The Bench overnight...
my friends, my team, my precious Informatica & my cubicle, my stern but sweet TL who would call me each night at 10 to ask if i had left for the home & my PM....i would miss all of them...i cursed Barclays...i cursed Patni...i cursed everyone around...that was my first Project...my first QTS...my First Test Plan...my first appreciation mail, my first responsibility...it was gone...those who had gone to Fidelity joined us in our mourning but we could feel their involuntary sighs of relief... they were still billable...they were still assets to the company...
there was heartbreak but that was also the first time i realized how a compassionate & good minded guide can teach you so many things in a fleeting moment...
as i stepped inside the float area with heavy heart, i drafted a four liner mail to my PM...whining about the project & thanking her for all her support & personal attention provided...mentor as i called her, i expressed my wish to work under her once more if fate could have it that way...
she replied saying she wished the same but not to have me work 'under' her but 'with' her.... i cried when i read that mail...this sentence has since then with me....
i so hope that one fine day when i become responsible for my team as their manager, i can exhibit atleast 1% of such bigheartedness & down to earth nature...
Patni has given me a lot...it wont end there....i am sure another part will be on its way sooner.. :)
A lot of times, as the trend is, i am expected to call names to my employer....i am suppose to laugh at Jokes like PATNI stands for Pathetic Appraisal Through No Increments...if i am in good mood, i do.
but most of the times i dont!
If our own experiences form our beliefs i dont see any reason why i should curse Patni.
Bad remuneration! yes sir! i have been through that. Even after a promotion, for a very long time my package has been lesser than that of a Fresher's but there are so many other things that redeem this one fault...
Right from day one i have got good opportunities. I know i would have been loser of a developer had i chosen to remain one. No development aptitude what so ever..Patni gave me a chance to acknowledge the fact, accept it with dignity & move ahead with another alternative...
Testing or what we glorify it by calling Quality Assurance ;)
i would pat my back here a little that i did not succumb to other's opinions about Testing being a loser's job. 99 out of 100 people told me that there was no future in testing & that one day i would repent my decision of changing from Mainframe development to Testing...
few classes in COBOL & i was sorted. Thats when people from FSBU hurried to help me...they wanted people having out of box thinking & analytical aptitude (Glorification yet again ;)) for their prestigious project for ABN AMRO...my mind snapped into action...better be an excellent tester than an average developer... Assessment for the batch of 70 people went on for a whole day... writing papers to fake triage meetings to group discussions... was exhausted at the end of the day...but whoa i was selected.... i was one of those 15 people who would change track from MF to testing....but the real competition was far ahead....only 4 of these 15 would go to the much touted ABN Project...the rest would go to Fidelity...a good option job security wise but i wanted to be one of those 4....so there started a grueling schedule of PPT preparation every single day. we would be given a testing related topic in the afternoon & we were suppose to ready a presentation next day in the morning to be given to our entire team and our Project Manager, two team leads & our BDO. i was a fresher...just out of college..wasnt sure of what to do but kept at it & finally the day arrived when the final lucky 4 were to be selected... speculations were flying high...& finally when my name was announced, i looked straight at my PM. she smiled & my face changed in a second...i am sure it was more like the Fair & Lovely ad where you can see it glowing step by step...mine glowed instantaneously ;)
This project needed me to learn Data Warehousing... Informatica to be precise...
it was a workflow designed for ABN AMRO using Informatica to identify possible transactions with Money Laundering as the purpose. so thats how people turned their black money into white...was amused... learning finance was good but informatica was pain!
all its arrows going in & out of the data models would torture me...i would give up..but my PM was one hell of a motivator...she would single me out, sit with me & teach me personally how to build those horrid data models...i learned & i learned fast...finally when "Data Coverage" module was assigned to me, i was short of heaven by inches... i gave my PM a thankful nod...that was one important module...a smaller one but the most critical....
after four years of being an average engineer struggling to keep up with 40 mandatory marks to keep KTs at the bay, this sense of importance was refreshing...
Slogged my ass off..was terrified to hear UK based client....i would look at my PM intently to understand desperately what the british was blabbering in his propah UK accented English...
at one point of time my desperation would grow so much that i would stare at my PM with as much concentration as the deaf & mute children have to pay to 'understand' whats being told...
a few days like this & i could understand what the British were talking... it went on to become so good that i could scowl at their mention of a recent England vs India cricket match where india had (obviously) lost to them.
As my fate could have it, The Blasted Barclays took over ABN, they scrapped our entire project citing no funds...now now..you have bloody pots of pounds to take over a bank but you dont have enough money to let a project run.
Suddenly we were called in the conference room & we were as good as jobless...our project was no longer on. I had never seen my ever smiling PM that depressed but she still cheered us on..asked us to take this in right spirit & move on....
we were transported from The Desk to The Bench overnight...
my friends, my team, my precious Informatica & my cubicle, my stern but sweet TL who would call me each night at 10 to ask if i had left for the home & my PM....i would miss all of them...i cursed Barclays...i cursed Patni...i cursed everyone around...that was my first Project...my first QTS...my First Test Plan...my first appreciation mail, my first responsibility...it was gone...those who had gone to Fidelity joined us in our mourning but we could feel their involuntary sighs of relief... they were still billable...they were still assets to the company...
there was heartbreak but that was also the first time i realized how a compassionate & good minded guide can teach you so many things in a fleeting moment...
as i stepped inside the float area with heavy heart, i drafted a four liner mail to my PM...whining about the project & thanking her for all her support & personal attention provided...mentor as i called her, i expressed my wish to work under her once more if fate could have it that way...
she replied saying she wished the same but not to have me work 'under' her but 'with' her.... i cried when i read that mail...this sentence has since then with me....
i so hope that one fine day when i become responsible for my team as their manager, i can exhibit atleast 1% of such bigheartedness & down to earth nature...
Patni has given me a lot...it wont end there....i am sure another part will be on its way sooner.. :)
Bombay - Never Lost but found some more...:)
Was reading Suketu Mehta's Maximum City - Bombay lost & found... quite an interesting read..
one particular sentence amused me to no end & made me shrug at the same time...
'Mumbai is a city in heat.' thats exaggerated!!
for these NRIs who stroll around in Air Conditioned cars & stay in penthouses, privacy is available as easily as the air around...but for those middle class couples...privacy is elusive in this superdense city. Its like a pressure cooker. The pressure can build up but only upto a level...it has to vent out somewhere & places like Marine Drive, Bandstand, Shivaji Park, Juhu are the vents for such little unfortunate lovers.. they want some time together...they want to discuss their pain, their problems, their future... they want to hold each other...they want to express their feelings for each other... there is so much that a couple wants to share when they finally confess..(atleast initially).
i do not justify vulgarity...neither can i stand PDA (Public Display of Affection for the uninitiated..) but come on people...let them have their time....when they turn their back on you...its a DND (Do not Disturb) board...should respect that...
Reason why i am writing this today is because i had gone to Marine Drive... the most beautiful place in town...saw hundreds of such lovers sitting a stone's throw distance from each other...
if they stretch their hands on the side, they can touch the next couple...still noone really minds...each one of them is so engrossed in their partner..they do not bother to give you a stern look even if you stand there staring at them...
one common link chains them... they all are truly, madly & deeply in love with their partner...or so do they would like to believe...
This place mesmerizes me like no other...on one side there is ocean..stretching as far as you can see...waves splash on the rocks & retreat back... there are land's end from both the sides...sky scrappers adorn them..their lights glint against the black sky...giving them an aura of their own...
when you are sitting in the middle & you see these land's end & the sea in between...you feel as if the city is trying to embrace the ocean... but sea do not wish to be trapped in....its flowing out...out of the city's reach...
such epiphanies hit me like waves when i am right there....at dusk...sky shutting down for the day but mumbai's night life just beginning...on one side its all dark...& on the other, there is light flooding my eyes...making me squint..
the very famous Queen's Necklace appears right before my eyes and i feel special simply because i was born here...in the city that made me competitive right from day one... there was only one incubator & three babies... who would get it... the one that cries the most..so i cried as much as my prematurely born body could bear... that competitive edge still helps me...i do not cower when i face competition. it exhilarates me..brings back my survival instincts...
this is the city that taught me how to carry myself around with confidence...
when i am feeling low, i remember the mantra 'Be Confident. Atleast pretend so if you are not..people here take a lot by its face value' and believe me it works every single time!!
With such thoughts in my mind, i sat down with Sonali & Shobha to take in the view. The day was too hazy & visibility very poor... we tried to huddle together so as not to disturb two other couples who sat on either side of us... but they didnt care about us being so close to them...they were plain engrossed if this word can define their state.. :)
There were giggly girls...there were hawkers selling Ice Creams.. There were joggers...sweating..There were dogs...panting... heat was unbearable..not even sea breeze could take the heat out of the air...but it was all worth it for the solitude it offered even when we were surrounded by hundreds of people...
Saw some cute guys...some of them were lolling around...one of them was reading some book, craning his neck...loved him!! next time i go there, i would carry my Jane Austin's with me..
i would fall in love with Mr.Darcy some more...
Saw Trident... it was a scene of horror an year ago when terrorist kept its inhabitants hostage...now its back to its hospitable self...times change, memories fade..clicked some photos..
Saw a Gucci store...promised Sonali that one day i would buy her something from this very shop...20 years may be it would take me to afford that...but thats ok...we are friends for lifetime..
i have some time to fulfill my promise...
my legs were killing me & i wasnt even wearing my pointed heels!!!! it was then that we halted for a breather that we reaslized how far we all had come chatting & checking out guys.. (come on! we three single gals... its our birth right!!)
Air India's Maharaja welcomed us with his whiskers the moment we turned to go back...
saw 'Not Just Jazz By the Bay'... yeah yeah you could have named it 'come-here-to-sing-karaoke-and-giggle-uncontrollably' (Thats what atleast i did last time i went there) & it still would have been easy to pronounce & remember....
Took a cab to save our legs for Monday..i played one song that always comes to my mind these days when i am in car..rushing with speed...Kya Karoon from Wake Up Sid.. Sonali & Shobha couldnt hear it properly thanks to my phone & blaring horns outside..i did feel like Ranbeer Kapoor though.... free from all the worries about tomorrow, free from all the tangled past...only if i could stand & get my head out from the roof of the car...suddenly remembered it was a rented cab...not a Chevy.. :( Promised myself that one day, i would have my own glass roofed car...i would ask my husband (or driver..depends!) to drive it & i would get my head & hands out of the roof to taste the breeze..its more intimate than when you feel it in intervals...
we were as hungry as hyenas but couldnt see a place to eat... so we decided to head towards CST station... formerly Victoria Terminus... for me personally, this name suited the building the best...It was after all erected by the British. Its a heritage building... Its new name Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus dont do justice either to Shivaji maharaj or the terminus...the building stands there like a newly wed whose name was changed as per her in-law's whims & never was asked if she liked it..
we visited Fashion Street...now that used to be the Milan of Mumbai...as a kid, i roamed these streets...looking out for good bargains that i could show off in college or school the next day...this street gave me my first sport shoes...& my first pointed heel stilettoes...
There is no brand that can ride on popularity unless its fake copy appears on this street first...you get addidas, puma, nike, chanel, M&S, Pepe Jeans...you name it & this street has it..
it was also notorious for duping foreigners...a fake M&S would cost you 300 INR here..but it will be sold in 1000 INR to the first-timer looking firangi... "British ne hamko 100 sal luta...ab thoda hum lootenge to kya hogtoa' once a shopkeeper had told me sheepishly when i scolded him for bringing wrong name to India with such treachery... i tried telling him that the Firangi wasnt a British..it was an American..but white skin irrespective of its origin suddenly make them fall under the same category as The British.
Those who think Indians suck at English as a spoken language should visit this street sometimes and see these shopkeepers haggling with firangis. Not even call center trainers can train their so called well educated trainees this fast & this fluent...
at the end of the fashion street, we crossed the road and entered a small lane....i suddenly felt as if i was entering a supremely made set of some spooky film...old barren heritage buildings without any lights inside made me creep out. The road was dug up till its sides..some of the street lights werent working...almost every building had a hallowed look that you read about in Dan Brown's book...there were peepal & banian trees around...i recalled my mom telling me about hungry & unsatisfied spirits waiting on such tree tops to see gals like me, walking slowly with her hair open on shoulders...then they smile a wicked smile & jump on them to inhabit their bodies to carry out their half finished deeds... i urged Sonali & Shobha to walk faster...they merely gave me an impatient look & continued with same pace... i saw a couple walking slowly, oblivious to the spookiness around...their hands interwoven..they were enjoying the silence & dimness around..GOD! Love really really makes you blind... i was grateful when the street ended and once more i could hear the hustle bustle of the city...
we went to Canon then.. the famous Pav Bhaji jaunt thats running for more than decades...i used to come here with my papa when i were really small.... a plate of Pav Bhaji was an yearly reward for well earned marks...i cherished them so much... all those feelings rushed to me...
we ate in silence...downed it by Slice... A cute guy stood next to us, eating Pav Bhaji...checked him out for some time...he had curly hair..a clean complexion...and a decent height.. no sight of paunch...he was looking ecstatic as he reached for his Pav Bhaji time & again... there was no hurry in his actions...i was about to add him on my Cutie of the Day list is when he decided to pick his nose... ewwww mentally crossed his name out of list.... Guys!!! Sometimes they look so good...worth taking some trouble to look at...then one action & everything goes back to being the primeval cave man with no manners!!!!
as we patted our full stomach & turned saw another spooky building... its Grandfather clock reminded me of one TV show that i used to watch from behind my quilt...i used to be so scared of the clock..one of the villagers used to drop dead the moment it would chime 7.30 PM...i used to be too interested to know who dropped dead (whole day i would pray for the one fellow i loved to look at...) to let it go...my parents would laugh at my defense- an age old quilt sewn by my grand mom when i was 1 & 1/2 years old...her last gift to me before she died.. these grown ups!! they would never know that my grandmom's quit would have literally saved me from the demon in the TV that killed people when the clock ticked its way to 7.30...
Me & Sonali bid goodbye to Shobha & took a cab to Churchgate station. Saw a v.v. cute Firangi...
photographing the same spooky building with drapes all over & a grandfather's clock perched in between... chuckled & let Sonali know... she rolled her eyes...wished that one day i could find one like that for me...who can drive me around in Chevy...wow God bless her!
and finally it was time to say good bye to Sonali & to the day... :)
its not the first time that i visited town...its been there...an inseparable part of my childhood & growing up years...i came here with my papa to just roam around in summer vacations, with my cousins to buy old battered copies of books in measly sum, with my friends to invade the fashion street, with my neighbors to show them around the real mumbai & sometimes alone just to wander about where noone would give me a second look...or ask my score in SSC...or my designation at work... loved those days...got a glimpse of it back after so many years...
should thank Sonali & Shobha for arranging this... :)
God! its late! :)
PS: First thing that came to mind when i saw Marine Drive today was Konkona Sen Sharma in Wake up Sid... didnt in the end she come here at the Marine Drive to experience her first rains in bombay? its when Sid actually wakes up & confesses his feelings....rain starts pouring & they hug each other for the eternity in love...
had cried buckets in theater when i saw the movie...
now standing there...i understood why it wasnt any other place chosen for their reconciliation....there is something in the air here.... is hawan me hi kuch baat hai... ;)
Power - An absolute turn on!
Yes. I wonder sometimes if power is just as a big turn on for others as it is to me? may be not!
i see a lot of people who are scared of power...of others and of their own.
i see people intimidated of power...not meeting their eyes when power stares at them...they stutter..they mumble..
i see people bowing to power...surrendering themselves & their weapons even before the power is used against them...
Power is just as powerful as a person perceives it be so for some people it means everything and for some nothing...some are so acutely aware of it & some absolutely wary.
to each his own...but for me, its little different.. i am neither scared nor intimidated... i am neither acutely aware of it nor i am wary of it...
i in fact love to stare deeply into the eyes of power...trying to gauge where it stems from...not every tom dick and harry can boast of power...then those who can, what is it in them that the power befriends them without making them power hungry or trigger happy...!
power when wielded correctly can show astounding results...its like watching fireworks against a dark sky...your eyes widen even without you realizing it...
so if i am not scared, intimated, aware or wary of it, what is it for me?
well, i am attracted to power in much much potent way than i would like to admit...
let me put a disclaimer here before there are hearty chuckles..
when i say power...i mean power acquired by brain & strategy & vision & sheer intelligence..
i dont call Anil Ambani or Mukesh Ambani powerful... they are good managers though...they managed well what their father left for them... with a staffing of best lawyers, MBAs, Engineers, Strategist, its not as big as we think.... their father, Dhirubhai Ambani.. now thats a very powerful man... to start off as a Petrol Pump attendant to one day build a multi-billion empire..thats the power that i am attracted to.
some would say its more intelligence than the power but then intelligence that does you no good is as useless as Petrol with no car. Your intelligence should drive you...it should get you power of changing things around in good way..(or bad..depends on person to person)
Observe a powerful personality ( i mean it without gender bias) if you can. They have a swagger to their walk, they have an aura around them when power is acquired & not inherited. They have a wariness, arrogant air around them that they know how to control to their benefit.
Confidence radiates from their entire being, rendering them a glory that lingers well after they have left the room...they can be as black as coal or as pale as ice, their features can be as nondescript as any stranger you stumble in on road...but their power can show you the stark handsomeness that's stimulating for an equally sharp & receptive mind.
This power coupled with responsible nature is an absolute delight. When you know your power can make or break & you use it to make things rather than shred them....it adds to your karma.. you shine some more... an unseen jewel at top of your head...
one more thing that makes such people irresistible is their ability to keep it low... their power exudes nonetheless but its subtle in its form & strong in its impact... it hits you not in your face but in your brains... Real Powerful people never show it off...in that case, you can pass them by as any other person you meet & forget in the course of your life cause they know real power does not need PR, it does not need a bare all attitude, it does not need to be proven to everyone, it need not be paraded....some of the most powerful men & women that i have come across are as down to earth as its humanly possible while maintaining your dignity. thats a power in itself...power on your power...power of control... so that the whip you use to keep it under control never backlashes on you... that the power you command never turns back on you...
Such people who understand flirtatious nature of Power make others comfortable...they do not take pride in making others flinch...they are not (normally) sadist. They down play their power which should not be misinterpreted as no power by someone they are just trying to make comfortable around them. a doubt in their well earned abilities... and the power comes back full throttled. It erupts like a volcano for the person who underestimate its force...such blasphemous thought!
Power has its effects... its the aggression in the thoughts and actions that brims over but is corked within by control gained over the years... It shines for a second unexpectedly in a moment of passion or challenge...just like thunder & shining...it frightens you of course but it makes you wonder as well.
all in all...power has all the ingredients to make me swoon...to sweep me off my feet...to make me bow with respect...to make me want it of my own...
i see a lot of people who are scared of power...of others and of their own.
i see people intimidated of power...not meeting their eyes when power stares at them...they stutter..they mumble..
i see people bowing to power...surrendering themselves & their weapons even before the power is used against them...
Power is just as powerful as a person perceives it be so for some people it means everything and for some nothing...some are so acutely aware of it & some absolutely wary.
to each his own...but for me, its little different.. i am neither scared nor intimidated... i am neither acutely aware of it nor i am wary of it...
i in fact love to stare deeply into the eyes of power...trying to gauge where it stems from...not every tom dick and harry can boast of power...then those who can, what is it in them that the power befriends them without making them power hungry or trigger happy...!
power when wielded correctly can show astounding results...its like watching fireworks against a dark sky...your eyes widen even without you realizing it...
so if i am not scared, intimated, aware or wary of it, what is it for me?
well, i am attracted to power in much much potent way than i would like to admit...
let me put a disclaimer here before there are hearty chuckles..
when i say power...i mean power acquired by brain & strategy & vision & sheer intelligence..
i dont call Anil Ambani or Mukesh Ambani powerful... they are good managers though...they managed well what their father left for them... with a staffing of best lawyers, MBAs, Engineers, Strategist, its not as big as we think.... their father, Dhirubhai Ambani.. now thats a very powerful man... to start off as a Petrol Pump attendant to one day build a multi-billion empire..thats the power that i am attracted to.
some would say its more intelligence than the power but then intelligence that does you no good is as useless as Petrol with no car. Your intelligence should drive you...it should get you power of changing things around in good way..(or bad..depends on person to person)
Observe a powerful personality ( i mean it without gender bias) if you can. They have a swagger to their walk, they have an aura around them when power is acquired & not inherited. They have a wariness, arrogant air around them that they know how to control to their benefit.
Confidence radiates from their entire being, rendering them a glory that lingers well after they have left the room...they can be as black as coal or as pale as ice, their features can be as nondescript as any stranger you stumble in on road...but their power can show you the stark handsomeness that's stimulating for an equally sharp & receptive mind.
This power coupled with responsible nature is an absolute delight. When you know your power can make or break & you use it to make things rather than shred them....it adds to your karma.. you shine some more... an unseen jewel at top of your head...
one more thing that makes such people irresistible is their ability to keep it low... their power exudes nonetheless but its subtle in its form & strong in its impact... it hits you not in your face but in your brains... Real Powerful people never show it off...in that case, you can pass them by as any other person you meet & forget in the course of your life cause they know real power does not need PR, it does not need a bare all attitude, it does not need to be proven to everyone, it need not be paraded....some of the most powerful men & women that i have come across are as down to earth as its humanly possible while maintaining your dignity. thats a power in itself...power on your power...power of control... so that the whip you use to keep it under control never backlashes on you... that the power you command never turns back on you...
Such people who understand flirtatious nature of Power make others comfortable...they do not take pride in making others flinch...they are not (normally) sadist. They down play their power which should not be misinterpreted as no power by someone they are just trying to make comfortable around them. a doubt in their well earned abilities... and the power comes back full throttled. It erupts like a volcano for the person who underestimate its force...such blasphemous thought!
Power has its effects... its the aggression in the thoughts and actions that brims over but is corked within by control gained over the years... It shines for a second unexpectedly in a moment of passion or challenge...just like thunder & shining...it frightens you of course but it makes you wonder as well.
all in all...power has all the ingredients to make me swoon...to sweep me off my feet...to make me bow with respect...to make me want it of my own...
True Love & The Emotional Fuckwittage
Not a decent name..i am sure..
there is no such word as fuckwittage...i know
but it makes me smile inwardly everytime i hear it...not because it has a naughty undertone that satisfies my feminist ego when i utter it in context of a man but because this one word is more than enough to counter balance sickly sweet concept of true love.
Once upon a time (funny..i am just 24), i believed in the concept of true love. I smiled to myself when i heard hindi romantic songs...my eyes looked out of window, caressing the laughing & loving couples swiftly with a kind & amused gaze. I was naive then & hopeful.
i believed in the fairness of it all. You give love & you receive it back tenfold. Go out being a friend & you would find many..blahhh
it never happens that way anymore...you give love & chances are more that you will be conned..making you a non believer, scarring you for life..
Your friends flock together till your feathers are full of color and uptight...the moment they see them shading & fading, they fade into oblivion as well...
some dont want friend, they want a pet that would bark, lick at their command...a yes to a yes, a no to a no... the whole space where two oppositely opinionated people can live happily without going for each other's neck just doesnt exist.
Your beauty & complexion outscore your qualities. Your loyalty and undying devotion is termed as your weakness... they drag you & you let yourself be!
thats why i say there is emotional fuckwittage everywhere.....an emotional person is considered a fool...a novice..
it has to be take take and take all the time and no sight of offering anything.....
so i say that True Love does not exist at all..... what exist is the reason why a certain someone loves you...
if the reason is good & intent is correct, you may call it somewhat true... if the reason not so good & intent dubious...call it an experience & forget it...
in the world of fuckwittage...thats as far as you can go to find something as elusive & mirage-d as True Love... :(
there is no such word as fuckwittage...i know
but it makes me smile inwardly everytime i hear it...not because it has a naughty undertone that satisfies my feminist ego when i utter it in context of a man but because this one word is more than enough to counter balance sickly sweet concept of true love.
Once upon a time (funny..i am just 24), i believed in the concept of true love. I smiled to myself when i heard hindi romantic songs...my eyes looked out of window, caressing the laughing & loving couples swiftly with a kind & amused gaze. I was naive then & hopeful.
i believed in the fairness of it all. You give love & you receive it back tenfold. Go out being a friend & you would find many..blahhh
it never happens that way anymore...you give love & chances are more that you will be conned..making you a non believer, scarring you for life..
Your friends flock together till your feathers are full of color and uptight...the moment they see them shading & fading, they fade into oblivion as well...
some dont want friend, they want a pet that would bark, lick at their command...a yes to a yes, a no to a no... the whole space where two oppositely opinionated people can live happily without going for each other's neck just doesnt exist.
Your beauty & complexion outscore your qualities. Your loyalty and undying devotion is termed as your weakness... they drag you & you let yourself be!
thats why i say there is emotional fuckwittage everywhere.....an emotional person is considered a fool...a novice..
it has to be take take and take all the time and no sight of offering anything.....
so i say that True Love does not exist at all..... what exist is the reason why a certain someone loves you...
if the reason is good & intent is correct, you may call it somewhat true... if the reason not so good & intent dubious...call it an experience & forget it...
in the world of fuckwittage...thats as far as you can go to find something as elusive & mirage-d as True Love... :(
E Jindagi gale laga le...
E jindagi gale laga le..
hum ne bhi tere har ek gam ko gale se lagaya hai...hai na?
God! i have lost count of how many times i have listened to this song...and no matter where i listen to it and when...i get goosebumps all over my body... Suresh Wadkar's voice reaches not only your ears but also your heart... Hero in this song is asking...asking? or rather pleading his life to embrace him as dearly as he has embraced all the sorrows that it presented... wow!
When i listen to this particular verse, i imagine a day turning into dusk...a tolerant but tired mom standing near the door waiting for her kid.... Her kid is very young...and unabashedly naughty...he does something that brings her momentary disgrace...like dirtying his cloths, fighting in school...he knows he is in trouble and that his mom is going to beat him like anything....so he turns his charm on her...he slowly moves forward making a puppy face....a face that tells his mother that he is ashamed of what he did and that he wants to apologize...she is a mother of course...someone who conceived and reared him....she knows that he will go back to being his naughty self the very next day...she wants to beat him...punish him for his silly acts that embarrass her sometimes...she looks at other kids his age...calm & composed....never fighting...never embarrassing their moms...perfect kids......for a split second, she cant resist comparing herself with perfect mothers of those perfect kids...she questions herself...her upbringing...her choices...everything that she ever did for the kid.....she wants to turn her back to him...no matter what he does today..she is not going to be lenient anymore...she will teach him a lesson that he wont forget ever....but this kid is not only naughty but sharp too...he knows his mother's undying love for him....he knows that she will never turn her back on him...that there will be curses..there will be beating...there will be silence for a day or two...there will be red welts on his legs where she would hit him with cane...to make him a better kid...a perfect kid...but at the end of the day when he will cry himself to sleep...she will come, wiping her tears silently she will rub balm on his welts...feeling them, caressing them slowly with her fingertips...she finally will pull him in her lap and kiss his forehead with as much love as a woman can possibly contain in her heart...she will embrace her kid close to her womb where it resided for whole of nine months...she didnt care about him being perfect then...she was just too happy to have him...she allowed him to take shape, a form...develop his senses....she will think back and embrace him tightly some more....no matter what he does, he is everything that she has...she would never let him go...
well whats the similarity here with these verses??? .. I am The Mother and my life is that little, naughty, obnoxious kid...
sounds crazy? not to me? Its I who conceived my own life...its unique...its not perfect but its my own..i created it myself... when i was small, i didnt care for it to be perfect...i was happy to have it...its when i grew up and realized that everyone around me had their own that the comparisons started...always thought that everyone else had a better life than me...like having a perfect kid... their problems never seemed horrible...their sorrows never as encompassing as mine... i envied them... didnt i try and see if something was wrong with me, the way i lead it so far, my choices, my decisions?...i could never see the fault in me! i felt i spoiled my life silly...let its happiness take over everything else... i faced its blows smiling and never complaining....may be that was the time when i should have slammed my life a bit...should have shaken its shoulder and ask it to come on terms with what was real....but i am a mother remember? i could never hurt it back...i hurled curses at it...i told it how others were leading a more fruitful and complete life...i tried to be silent for some time...not paying any attention to it for all the time that it was yelling back to me, wanting me to look at it...i ignored my life..my kid.. i let it grow up for a while without actually being there for it...
i beat it with my ignore & avoid games...it kept on throwing questions at me time to time...but i turned my deaf ear and blind eye to them.... 'you want to hurt me, embarrass me in front of others...this is what you would get now...i wouldnt care for your happiness...i would punish you for being so hard for me' i told my life...but then at the end of the day...my life retreated slowly...it realized that mom is mad this time...but it never went back completely...it never lost its faith in me...me who conceived it..My life knew that i loved it...and i loved it like nothing else.... so my life backed off...cried itself to sleep...and then i, The Repentant Mother wondered if i have anything else worth looking at if i dont have my naughty mischievous life who plays its endless games with me, tires me more and more as it grows....answer is no...i dont have nothing...so i called my life back...it waited for some time...looked at me with fearful eyes, with a gaze full of contempt...i smiled at it and it came running towards me...and i embraced it tightly....as tightly as i could so that every fiber of my being came alive with it....i kissed it on its forehead..and warned it to behave next time...should not cause me grief or pain anymore...it hid its face in my lap...and smiled a wicked smile, planning its next game...me being an innocent and loving mother knew what my life...my kid was upto but still clutched it to my heart and sung a lullaby... :) i love you my kid...i love you my life... :)
Femina does NOT make me happiest, You do! ;)
On weekends i step out early in the evening to go to Shivaji Park for a stroll (ok fine! i am worried about my ever expanding waist line). this Saturday, one caption caught my eyeballs as i was passing.. "10 Habits of Happiest People to Copy and Paste".. Now Now who doesnt want to be happiest! Also for an IT engineer and QA at that, Copy & Paste, these two words form parallel universe ;) so all in all, it was double whammy..
i wanted to read the article and see if i could copy and paste some of those habits...so i resolved to make myself happiest and haggled with the local raddiwala to get that copy at cheapest possible price (thats one habit i am sure isnt listed in there.. ;) bargain is bliss..have u heard?)
so the original issue that costs almost 100 bucks, i got it for paltry 5 bucks.. Yes..i was happy.. :)
i know that glossies like Femina cater to Upper Upper Upper middle class.. (if they are so 'Up above, in the sky', how come they are called middle class i wonder!) , i was still hoping for something for me...
a steaming cup of coffee, my favorite corner in the house and i was all set to copy paste... but 'disappointment' would not even come close to what i felt after reading it... not one habit worth copy pasting.... i fumed over the article for some time and wondered why.... well its because,
-- With what Patni pays me, i cant afford Spa massage every three years, let alone every month...Even if i get Aladin's magic lamp that conjures up pots of money for me to spend, the idea of me sprawling on a table, covered but naked underneath, in presence of a masseuse would send my mom in hyperventilation clubbed with spasms.. She would rather massage the idea out of my head... ;)
-- I dont have a dog (or Boyfriend) who can run to me, wagging its tail, licking my face with its tiny tongue, hugging me as if i invented Peta.. so there goes the source of happiness...
My experience with stray dogs (or guys) isnt very encouraging... once i got Parle-G and tried feeding a stray puppy at Shivaji Park during my routine jog session...it wagged the tail and i was awwww, i put some Parle-Gs in front and waited for it to pounce on them...but this tiny bundle of muddy brown fur sniffed at them for a second, gave me "thats so bloody middle class" look and scurried off to find People with Pedigree.. hrmh!!!!!! plus my Mom has warned me against having pets...as per her, she would certainly take the Dog or Cat or Parrot (annoying actually) or fish (they die dozen per week..sad) inside our house but then i will have to sleep either in the balcony or rent a place altogether... i love my parents so i cant have a pet... :(
-- I dont have a boyfriend supporting or otherwise ;)
Can boyfriend really be the source of happiness? from whatever i have heard from my 'experienced' friends, boyfriend most of the times (bless the other lucky souls) is the habit to make you more miserable. so 'Ditch Your Boyfriend' could be one of the tricks that can make you single and happier if not the happiest...
-- I cant have heart to heart talk with my mom about my ever changing crushes or my break ups or sorts. she would ask me why in the name of holiest god that i would want to have a boyfriend when i break into 'Tandav Nritya' the moment they broach topic of my marriage.
Commitment, Open Relationship etc etc words are non existent in her dictionary of all languages that she knows of. She very wisely would tell me "Good girls have friends and husband... there is no boyfriend in between". Once in a fit, after reading latest article on New Age Parenting, i showed her pic of one guy that i absolutely lusted after (Ok! those arent the words i used while telling her... I read the parenting article remember? not her!) she rummaged inside cupboard to get her glasses which meant she took my rambling seriously and had a piercing look at it..i am sure had the photo been a paper one, it must have caught fire like it does when you hold it under convex lens as 5th standard science experiment! She looked at him for a while then looked at me like Delhi guys do - from head to toe (not as lecherously of course) , Next started round of questions.. where did i see him, which caste does he belong to, whats the age, does he work in Patni blah blah blah... to all the questions i had only one answer .. "mum! i dont want to marry him...i just have crush on him...he is married!!!" well that was the last straw for my poor mother who would have gone headhunting for the author who thought preposterously of treating children like me as friends... she finally said Hey Ram..and even though she was not him, i could see how Mahatma Gandhi must have looked before he fell on the ground and said those famous words... i was no better than Nathuram Godse... me, a 25 year old, grown up daughter of hers had her brains crushed so much and so that she was after a married man... i tried in vain to tell her that i was not in love or something...i just liked him for his personality mooooommmmmmm!!! but she kept on mumbling things, got up to find my horoscope that i had hidden some place that i myself have forgotten where (have to get started to look for grooms... Married Man! oh my god! grumbled my momma)
so Femina, i have to strike out this one to be happy... chances are more that i will land up in hospital over this one.
-- I cant spend astronomical sum of money to make myself any more presentable than what i already am! it doesnt work anyways... i have tried in past and no longer do i wish to loose my purse strings for something that cant make a Catherina Zeta Johns out of Whoppie Goldberg!!!
I had bangs few years ago just to have my look changed (what was i thinking really?) and thats the exact time when the blasted Sony TV decided to copy paste "Ugly Betty" as our very own "Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi"!! i was teased like hell so every morning i would drag myself out of bed ten minutes earlier than usual and try to fix my fringe with as many bobby pins as i could find so by the time i left my house, i was not Jassi but Himali with a Bobby Pin Fence over my head... :(
One thing very luckily noone could convince me to buy was skin lightening product... i just cant stand them... and as my dear dear friend Pranay says "why spend money to be more presentable and keep people happy? Just keep your foul mouth shut and people would think you are nice anyways" so Femina there goes one more habit...
-- There are two types of people inhabiting earth (which balances food chain). first are the ones who eat so that they can live and second, like me, who live so that they can eat.
i cant go on diet however promising it may sound... i would rather keep my tongue and tummy satisfied than my waist (for which it has started complaining). So cant see myself eating breakfast like king, lunch like clerk and dinner like pauper (did i get that correct?). it happens exactly in the reverse order... our 'The Great Warrior of The West' aka Onsite Coordinator grumble about us hitting canteen first and then the link line so by the time we call, he is halfway in la la land and cant make head or tail of what we are talking... so we skip breakfast or by the time we are out of conference room huffing and puffing (dont ask why), its too late for breakfast and even if we have it, it turns out to be brunch which pushes the actual lunch well into early evening, that in turn punches our evening snack in the night..
and when i reach home "dead in night per my mom" she makes sure that i hog hog hog like a pig or else she would slaughter me anyways... ;) so reaching right body mass index is another na na for me to be happiest...
-- Now the most important, As per Femina, whopping 80% people are not happy in their current job. If thats the reason for their unhappy state, it becomes necessary for them to switch either the job or make do with what they have..
now here is something that i dont have to worry about. I LOVE MY JOB! i know sounds weird but i seriously do... i infact am the happiest while battling a nasty deadline... there is adrenaline rush (dont think i am sadist ;)) i love it and enjoy it. at the end of the project when all deliverables meet their fate and a small but cheery mail from PM pops up in my inbox, i feel content and happiest.
My cubicle amazes me like no other. had anyone told me few years back that there could be one place where there is chaos everywhere and still people have hearty laughs, feel-good chats over mugs of coffee, teasing moments, i wouldnt have believed it. Credit of course goes to my sweet (and all married :( ) colleagues. They enlighten me every now and then telling me about How they met, how they got married, how they fought, how they made up (ok not too many details here ;)), how they gave birth to their babies (ok those who have!) , how they feel when their babies cling to them at the end of the day.... it makes me feel happiest always when we are laughing, trying to keep the noise minimal...but someone bursts out in the effort and we literally guffaw not caring two hoots for what our PM would think of us..
when i see them missing their babies, telling me animatedly about small small things that they did over the weekend, complaining adoringly about late nights or no sleep at all, worrying about cough & cold situation...i feel thats the real source of happiness... a baby of your flesh and blood... wow! not even Femina could see this (shame!!). but as i sit there day dreaming about having a baby that looks a lot like 'Emma' of FRIENDS, that the Ross enters...not that i would mind David Schwimmer *blush blush* but yeah..talk about babies and enter Husband...ok, Enter Man...now thats a hugeee price to pay for that 'bundle of joy'. kinda negates the joy actually...especially when you are keeping up late to check on the diaper and he is snoring loudly on the other side...
guess i will have to wait for a few years to want a baby so desperately that i would be ready to pay any price... i am sure my husband wouldnt mind it...men!! they love babies too...especially the making part.. ;)
so all in all, I know as long as i am loving my job, have my parents to keep me grounded and well fed ;), have my soul sister of a friend, lot of other foul weather (and feathered ;)) friends, cheery colleagues, eyes shining beautifully with self confidence, i dont want any dog or boyfriend or spa massage or right BMI or beauty to feel happiest.
i wanted to read the article and see if i could copy and paste some of those habits...so i resolved to make myself happiest and haggled with the local raddiwala to get that copy at cheapest possible price (thats one habit i am sure isnt listed in there.. ;) bargain is bliss..have u heard?)
so the original issue that costs almost 100 bucks, i got it for paltry 5 bucks.. Yes..i was happy.. :)
i know that glossies like Femina cater to Upper Upper Upper middle class.. (if they are so 'Up above, in the sky', how come they are called middle class i wonder!) , i was still hoping for something for me...
a steaming cup of coffee, my favorite corner in the house and i was all set to copy paste... but 'disappointment' would not even come close to what i felt after reading it... not one habit worth copy pasting.... i fumed over the article for some time and wondered why.... well its because,
-- With what Patni pays me, i cant afford Spa massage every three years, let alone every month...Even if i get Aladin's magic lamp that conjures up pots of money for me to spend, the idea of me sprawling on a table, covered but naked underneath, in presence of a masseuse would send my mom in hyperventilation clubbed with spasms.. She would rather massage the idea out of my head... ;)
-- I dont have a dog (or Boyfriend) who can run to me, wagging its tail, licking my face with its tiny tongue, hugging me as if i invented Peta.. so there goes the source of happiness...
My experience with stray dogs (or guys) isnt very encouraging... once i got Parle-G and tried feeding a stray puppy at Shivaji Park during my routine jog session...it wagged the tail and i was awwww, i put some Parle-Gs in front and waited for it to pounce on them...but this tiny bundle of muddy brown fur sniffed at them for a second, gave me "thats so bloody middle class" look and scurried off to find People with Pedigree.. hrmh!!!!!! plus my Mom has warned me against having pets...as per her, she would certainly take the Dog or Cat or Parrot (annoying actually) or fish (they die dozen per week..sad) inside our house but then i will have to sleep either in the balcony or rent a place altogether... i love my parents so i cant have a pet... :(
-- I dont have a boyfriend supporting or otherwise ;)
Can boyfriend really be the source of happiness? from whatever i have heard from my 'experienced' friends, boyfriend most of the times (bless the other lucky souls) is the habit to make you more miserable. so 'Ditch Your Boyfriend' could be one of the tricks that can make you single and happier if not the happiest...
-- I cant have heart to heart talk with my mom about my ever changing crushes or my break ups or sorts. she would ask me why in the name of holiest god that i would want to have a boyfriend when i break into 'Tandav Nritya' the moment they broach topic of my marriage.
Commitment, Open Relationship etc etc words are non existent in her dictionary of all languages that she knows of. She very wisely would tell me "Good girls have friends and husband... there is no boyfriend in between". Once in a fit, after reading latest article on New Age Parenting, i showed her pic of one guy that i absolutely lusted after (Ok! those arent the words i used while telling her... I read the parenting article remember? not her!) she rummaged inside cupboard to get her glasses which meant she took my rambling seriously and had a piercing look at it..i am sure had the photo been a paper one, it must have caught fire like it does when you hold it under convex lens as 5th standard science experiment! She looked at him for a while then looked at me like Delhi guys do - from head to toe (not as lecherously of course) , Next started round of questions.. where did i see him, which caste does he belong to, whats the age, does he work in Patni blah blah blah... to all the questions i had only one answer .. "mum! i dont want to marry him...i just have crush on him...he is married!!!" well that was the last straw for my poor mother who would have gone headhunting for the author who thought preposterously of treating children like me as friends... she finally said Hey Ram..and even though she was not him, i could see how Mahatma Gandhi must have looked before he fell on the ground and said those famous words... i was no better than Nathuram Godse... me, a 25 year old, grown up daughter of hers had her brains crushed so much and so that she was after a married man... i tried in vain to tell her that i was not in love or something...i just liked him for his personality mooooommmmmmm!!! but she kept on mumbling things, got up to find my horoscope that i had hidden some place that i myself have forgotten where (have to get started to look for grooms... Married Man! oh my god! grumbled my momma)
so Femina, i have to strike out this one to be happy... chances are more that i will land up in hospital over this one.
-- I cant spend astronomical sum of money to make myself any more presentable than what i already am! it doesnt work anyways... i have tried in past and no longer do i wish to loose my purse strings for something that cant make a Catherina Zeta Johns out of Whoppie Goldberg!!!
I had bangs few years ago just to have my look changed (what was i thinking really?) and thats the exact time when the blasted Sony TV decided to copy paste "Ugly Betty" as our very own "Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi"!! i was teased like hell so every morning i would drag myself out of bed ten minutes earlier than usual and try to fix my fringe with as many bobby pins as i could find so by the time i left my house, i was not Jassi but Himali with a Bobby Pin Fence over my head... :(
One thing very luckily noone could convince me to buy was skin lightening product... i just cant stand them... and as my dear dear friend Pranay says "why spend money to be more presentable and keep people happy? Just keep your foul mouth shut and people would think you are nice anyways" so Femina there goes one more habit...
-- There are two types of people inhabiting earth (which balances food chain). first are the ones who eat so that they can live and second, like me, who live so that they can eat.
i cant go on diet however promising it may sound... i would rather keep my tongue and tummy satisfied than my waist (for which it has started complaining). So cant see myself eating breakfast like king, lunch like clerk and dinner like pauper (did i get that correct?). it happens exactly in the reverse order... our 'The Great Warrior of The West' aka Onsite Coordinator grumble about us hitting canteen first and then the link line so by the time we call, he is halfway in la la land and cant make head or tail of what we are talking... so we skip breakfast or by the time we are out of conference room huffing and puffing (dont ask why), its too late for breakfast and even if we have it, it turns out to be brunch which pushes the actual lunch well into early evening, that in turn punches our evening snack in the night..
and when i reach home "dead in night per my mom" she makes sure that i hog hog hog like a pig or else she would slaughter me anyways... ;) so reaching right body mass index is another na na for me to be happiest...
-- Now the most important, As per Femina, whopping 80% people are not happy in their current job. If thats the reason for their unhappy state, it becomes necessary for them to switch either the job or make do with what they have..
now here is something that i dont have to worry about. I LOVE MY JOB! i know sounds weird but i seriously do... i infact am the happiest while battling a nasty deadline... there is adrenaline rush (dont think i am sadist ;)) i love it and enjoy it. at the end of the project when all deliverables meet their fate and a small but cheery mail from PM pops up in my inbox, i feel content and happiest.
My cubicle amazes me like no other. had anyone told me few years back that there could be one place where there is chaos everywhere and still people have hearty laughs, feel-good chats over mugs of coffee, teasing moments, i wouldnt have believed it. Credit of course goes to my sweet (and all married :( ) colleagues. They enlighten me every now and then telling me about How they met, how they got married, how they fought, how they made up (ok not too many details here ;)), how they gave birth to their babies (ok those who have!) , how they feel when their babies cling to them at the end of the day.... it makes me feel happiest always when we are laughing, trying to keep the noise minimal...but someone bursts out in the effort and we literally guffaw not caring two hoots for what our PM would think of us..
when i see them missing their babies, telling me animatedly about small small things that they did over the weekend, complaining adoringly about late nights or no sleep at all, worrying about cough & cold situation...i feel thats the real source of happiness... a baby of your flesh and blood... wow! not even Femina could see this (shame!!). but as i sit there day dreaming about having a baby that looks a lot like 'Emma' of FRIENDS, that the Ross enters...not that i would mind David Schwimmer *blush blush* but yeah..talk about babies and enter Husband...ok, Enter Man...now thats a hugeee price to pay for that 'bundle of joy'. kinda negates the joy actually...especially when you are keeping up late to check on the diaper and he is snoring loudly on the other side...
guess i will have to wait for a few years to want a baby so desperately that i would be ready to pay any price... i am sure my husband wouldnt mind it...men!! they love babies too...especially the making part.. ;)
so all in all, I know as long as i am loving my job, have my parents to keep me grounded and well fed ;), have my soul sister of a friend, lot of other foul weather (and feathered ;)) friends, cheery colleagues, eyes shining beautifully with self confidence, i dont want any dog or boyfriend or spa massage or right BMI or beauty to feel happiest.
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