In the far far corners of my brains where the rationality and practicality often lose their way, i know i should not be suffering because of the other people. That i should be taking charge of my life like a grown up and independent girl & stop whining about things that did not happen very well.
From years of experience - after living a quarter of my life already i am now eligible to use this heavily loaded sentence - i should understand that objectifying certain things work best for your mental health and that includes people as well.
So how is it possible to look at people as objects that can be bought, sold, acquired, discarded or just plain ignored? Those who can do it are often called as selfish by those who can not do it. The reality is that those who cant are incapable people just trying to make themselves feel better by calling others selfish. The act of correctly defining the boundaries around the relationships be it parents, spouse, friends or colleagues & how much you would let others affect you is maturity. may be a rare form of otherwise age dependent maturity that is hardwired in the brain and cant be cultivated. it comes naturally. Some people just do not care, no matter what or who. Some people care for everything and everyone. and then there are some people who can categorize people as per how they treat them and then care for those who matter and dont care for those who doesnt. thats the people i really envy.
For me its still an open question though..how do you decide who matters and who doesnt! how do you categorize people - people with blood & flesh, people with real feelings, people with life. I dont think i can ever do that...because these are the people I heavily rely onto. For support. be it physical, financial, emotional. Sometimes nothing works well on your grim situation than just sitting with your buddies and discussing it to its very core. It does not necessarily yield positive results every time but it helps to share, to vent it out. You feel a little lighter after shading tears on their shoulders after a nasty break up & then its not very untrue that your ego feels cajoled everytime your friends rattle on how you were too good for him anyways. Your future that looked all hazy & quite too distant becomes a little less turbid when your girlfriends tell you how one day your prince will arrive in his shining armor.
There is nothing else in this world that can kill the nagging rational thinking as effectively as these people & and then you cant help but be greatful.
Or remember the time when you thought your boss is out to get you. There is nothing that you can really do. He still is your boss and your strings are wrapped around his fingers. but calling him names with your equally tortured and frustrated colleagues help a little. You dont have to make your own mistakes to learn lessons. you can observe your colleagues and learn them. A shared tiffin on the day when you forgot yours or have something you wouldnt want to eat, A shared ride to office or back home where you kept on changing stations after station to find a decent hindi song and then laughed at the hideously recorded desi ads, A shared joke in an official meeting where the others look at you totally clueless and you give them a smug look for not being one of the insider's circle... how can these moments be forgotten as if they never happened. They may not be the unforgettable ones but they still make your life in office survivable.. especially when you are under pressure all the time..
We have a phrase in Marathi - Tuza ni maza patena.. tuzya vachun karmena... it means we cant get along all the time but we cant stay apart either. The phrase was probably meant for couples ;) but it is just as true for the people around you.. not all but a few that you grow close and accustomed to, who become part of your life that you cant shed.. who eventually become a habit that you cant get over...you try calling it quits but you keep on going back to the moments you shared and you realize that you are friends and you can get bored of each other and tired too but you will need each other in that one point of life where your own self is not enough for you....
So let me be honest. i have tried it in the past. to objectify people after carefully categorizing them and have realised with heavy heart that i just cant......its not my cup of tea to be mature in this sense and i will have to live with it... a 'Paravalambi' - a dependent life as its written in my horoscope too... that i will scale the heights with almost inhumanly pace.. but at the end of the day.. i will be dependent on others to feel happy.. and content...may be its a losing battle..but i have given up on it anyways...
From years of experience - after living a quarter of my life already i am now eligible to use this heavily loaded sentence - i should understand that objectifying certain things work best for your mental health and that includes people as well.
So how is it possible to look at people as objects that can be bought, sold, acquired, discarded or just plain ignored? Those who can do it are often called as selfish by those who can not do it. The reality is that those who cant are incapable people just trying to make themselves feel better by calling others selfish. The act of correctly defining the boundaries around the relationships be it parents, spouse, friends or colleagues & how much you would let others affect you is maturity. may be a rare form of otherwise age dependent maturity that is hardwired in the brain and cant be cultivated. it comes naturally. Some people just do not care, no matter what or who. Some people care for everything and everyone. and then there are some people who can categorize people as per how they treat them and then care for those who matter and dont care for those who doesnt. thats the people i really envy.
For me its still an open question though..how do you decide who matters and who doesnt! how do you categorize people - people with blood & flesh, people with real feelings, people with life. I dont think i can ever do that...because these are the people I heavily rely onto. For support. be it physical, financial, emotional. Sometimes nothing works well on your grim situation than just sitting with your buddies and discussing it to its very core. It does not necessarily yield positive results every time but it helps to share, to vent it out. You feel a little lighter after shading tears on their shoulders after a nasty break up & then its not very untrue that your ego feels cajoled everytime your friends rattle on how you were too good for him anyways. Your future that looked all hazy & quite too distant becomes a little less turbid when your girlfriends tell you how one day your prince will arrive in his shining armor.
There is nothing else in this world that can kill the nagging rational thinking as effectively as these people & and then you cant help but be greatful.
Or remember the time when you thought your boss is out to get you. There is nothing that you can really do. He still is your boss and your strings are wrapped around his fingers. but calling him names with your equally tortured and frustrated colleagues help a little. You dont have to make your own mistakes to learn lessons. you can observe your colleagues and learn them. A shared tiffin on the day when you forgot yours or have something you wouldnt want to eat, A shared ride to office or back home where you kept on changing stations after station to find a decent hindi song and then laughed at the hideously recorded desi ads, A shared joke in an official meeting where the others look at you totally clueless and you give them a smug look for not being one of the insider's circle... how can these moments be forgotten as if they never happened. They may not be the unforgettable ones but they still make your life in office survivable.. especially when you are under pressure all the time..
We have a phrase in Marathi - Tuza ni maza patena.. tuzya vachun karmena... it means we cant get along all the time but we cant stay apart either. The phrase was probably meant for couples ;) but it is just as true for the people around you.. not all but a few that you grow close and accustomed to, who become part of your life that you cant shed.. who eventually become a habit that you cant get over...you try calling it quits but you keep on going back to the moments you shared and you realize that you are friends and you can get bored of each other and tired too but you will need each other in that one point of life where your own self is not enough for you....
So let me be honest. i have tried it in the past. to objectify people after carefully categorizing them and have realised with heavy heart that i just cant......its not my cup of tea to be mature in this sense and i will have to live with it... a 'Paravalambi' - a dependent life as its written in my horoscope too... that i will scale the heights with almost inhumanly pace.. but at the end of the day.. i will be dependent on others to feel happy.. and content...may be its a losing battle..but i have given up on it anyways...
