E Jindagi gale laga le...


E jindagi gale laga le..
hum ne bhi tere har ek gam ko gale se lagaya hai...hai na?

God! i have lost count of how many times i have listened to this song...and no matter where i listen to it and when...i get goosebumps all over my body... Suresh Wadkar's voice reaches not only your ears but also your heart... Hero in this song is asking...asking? or rather pleading his life to embrace him as dearly as he has embraced all the sorrows that it presented... wow!

When i listen to this particular verse, i imagine a day turning into dusk...a tolerant but tired mom standing near the door waiting for her kid.... Her kid is very young...and unabashedly naughty...he does something that brings her momentary disgrace...like dirtying his cloths, fighting in school...he knows he is in trouble and that his mom is going to beat him like anything....so he turns his charm on her...he slowly moves forward making a puppy face....a face that tells his mother that he is ashamed of what he did and that he wants to apologize...she is a mother of course...someone who conceived and reared him....she knows that he will go back to being his naughty self the very next day...she wants to beat him...punish him for his silly acts that embarrass her sometimes...she looks at other kids his age...calm & composed....never fighting...never embarrassing their moms...perfect kids......for a split second, she cant resist comparing herself with perfect mothers of those perfect kids...she questions herself...her upbringing...her choices...everything that she ever did for the kid.....she wants to turn her back to him...no matter what he does today..she is not going to be lenient anymore...she will teach him a lesson that he wont forget ever....but this kid is not only naughty but sharp too...he knows his mother's undying love for him....he knows that she will never turn her back on him...that there will be curses..there will be beating...there will be silence for a day or two...there will be red welts on his legs where she would hit him with cane...to make him a better kid...a perfect kid...but at the end of the day when he will cry himself to sleep...she will come, wiping her tears silently she will rub balm on his welts...feeling them, caressing them slowly with her fingertips...she finally will pull him in her lap and kiss his forehead with as much love as a woman can possibly contain in her heart...she will embrace her kid close to her womb where it resided for whole of nine months...she didnt care about him being perfect then...she was just too happy to have him...she allowed him to take shape, a form...develop his senses....she will think back and embrace him tightly some more....no matter what he does, he is everything that she has...she would never let him go...

well whats the similarity here with these verses??? .. I am The Mother and my life is that little, naughty, obnoxious kid...
sounds crazy? not to me? Its I who conceived my own life...its unique...its not perfect but its my own..i created it myself... when i was small, i didnt care for it to be perfect...i was happy to have it...its when i grew up and realized that everyone around me had their own that the comparisons started...always thought that everyone else had a better life than me...like having a perfect kid... their problems never seemed horrible...their sorrows never as encompassing as mine... i envied them... didnt i try and see if something was wrong with me, the way i lead it so far, my choices, my decisions?...i could never see the fault in me! i felt i spoiled my life silly...let its happiness take over everything else... i faced its blows smiling and never complaining....may be that was the time when i should have slammed my life a bit...should have shaken its shoulder and ask it to come on terms with what was real....but i am a mother remember? i could never hurt it back...i hurled curses at it...i told it how others were leading a more fruitful and complete life...i tried to be silent for some time...not paying any attention to it for all the time that it was yelling back to me, wanting me to look at it...i ignored my life..my kid.. i let it grow up for a while without actually being there for it...
i beat it with my ignore & avoid games...it kept on throwing questions at me time to time...but i turned my deaf ear and blind eye to them.... 'you want to hurt me, embarrass me in front of others...this is what you would get now...i wouldnt care for your happiness...i would punish you for being so hard for me' i told my life...but then at the end of the day...my life retreated slowly...it realized that mom is mad this time...but it never went back completely...it never lost its faith in me...me who conceived it..My life knew that i loved it...and i loved it like nothing else.... so my life backed off...cried itself to sleep...and then i, The Repentant Mother wondered if i have anything else worth looking at if i dont have my naughty mischievous life who plays its endless games with me, tires me more and more as it grows....answer is no...i dont have nothing...so i called my life back...it waited for some time...looked at me with fearful eyes, with a gaze full of contempt...i smiled at it and it came running towards me...and i embraced it tightly....as tightly as i could so that every fiber of my being came alive with it....i kissed it on its forehead..and warned it to behave next time...should not cause me grief or pain anymore...it hid its face in my lap...and smiled a wicked smile, planning its next game...me being an innocent and loving mother knew what my life...my kid was upto but still clutched it to my heart and sung a lullaby... :) i love you my kid...i love you my life... :)

1 comment:

  1. I got goosebumps when I was reading it. Wonderful thoughts expressed with perfect words. Well, its every mother who wants her child to be perfect but that is the reason why our mothers punished us! Its not easy to punish your child. Let it cry and learn its lessons. Himali, you and I would not have been the kind we are today had it not been for our parents. There is so much we can learn from them and treat our life like they treated us and then see life behave on our terms. We dont want to end up being that 'spoilt brat' who doesn't care two hoots about anyone but himself nor can he take responsibility for his actions. This little kid called life is just like the way you are and will tag along holding your 'dupatta' wherever you go. Its your kid, you decide where to take it ... :)

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