Femina does NOT make me happiest, You do! ;)

On weekends i step out early in the evening to go to Shivaji Park for a stroll (ok fine! i am worried about my ever expanding waist line). this Saturday, one caption caught my eyeballs as i was passing.. "10 Habits of Happiest People to Copy and Paste".. Now Now who doesnt want to be happiest! Also for an IT engineer and QA at that, Copy & Paste, these two words form parallel universe ;) so all in all, it was double whammy..
i wanted to read the article and see if i could copy and paste some of those habits...so i resolved to make myself happiest and haggled with the local raddiwala to get that copy at cheapest possible price (thats one habit i am sure isnt listed in there.. ;) bargain is bliss..have u heard?)
so the original issue that costs almost 100 bucks, i got it for paltry 5 bucks.. Yes..i was happy.. :)

i know that glossies like Femina cater to Upper Upper Upper middle class.. (if they are so 'Up above, in the sky', how come they are called middle class i wonder!) , i was still hoping for something for me...
a steaming cup of coffee, my favorite corner in the house and i was all set to copy paste... but 'disappointment' would not even come close to what i felt after reading it... not one habit worth copy pasting.... i fumed over the article for some time and wondered why.... well its because,

-- With what Patni pays me, i cant afford Spa massage every three years, let alone every month...Even if i get Aladin's magic lamp that conjures up pots of money for me to spend, the idea of me sprawling on a table, covered but naked underneath, in presence of a masseuse would send my mom in hyperventilation clubbed with spasms.. She would rather massage the idea out of my head... ;)

-- I dont have a dog (or Boyfriend) who can run to me, wagging its tail, licking my face with its tiny tongue, hugging me as if i invented Peta.. so there goes the source of happiness...
My experience with stray dogs (or guys) isnt very encouraging... once i got Parle-G and tried feeding a stray puppy at Shivaji Park during my routine jog session...it wagged the tail and i was awwww, i put some Parle-Gs in front and waited for it to pounce on them...but this tiny bundle of muddy brown fur sniffed at them for a second, gave me "thats so bloody middle class" look and scurried off to find People with Pedigree.. hrmh!!!!!! plus my Mom has warned me against having pets...as per her, she would certainly take the Dog or Cat or Parrot (annoying actually) or fish (they die dozen per week..sad) inside our house but then i will have to sleep either in the balcony or rent a place altogether... i love my parents so i cant have a pet... :(

-- I dont have a boyfriend supporting or otherwise ;)
Can boyfriend really be the source of happiness? from whatever i have heard from my 'experienced' friends, boyfriend most of the times (bless the other lucky souls) is the habit to make you more miserable. so 'Ditch Your Boyfriend' could be one of the tricks that can make you single and happier if not the happiest...

-- I cant have heart to heart talk with my mom about my ever changing crushes or my break ups or sorts. she would ask me why in the name of holiest god that i would want to have a boyfriend when i break into 'Tandav Nritya' the moment they broach topic of my marriage.
Commitment, Open Relationship etc etc words are non existent in her dictionary of all languages that she knows of. She very wisely would tell me "Good girls have friends and husband... there is no boyfriend in between". Once in a fit, after reading latest article on New Age Parenting, i showed her pic of one guy that i absolutely lusted after (Ok! those arent the words i used while telling her... I read the parenting article remember? not her!) she rummaged inside cupboard to get her glasses which meant she took my rambling seriously and had a piercing look at it..i am sure had the photo been a paper one, it must have caught fire like it does when you hold it under convex lens as 5th standard science experiment! She looked at him for a while then looked at me like Delhi guys do - from head to toe (not as lecherously of course) , Next started round of questions.. where did i see him, which caste does he belong to, whats the age, does he work in Patni blah blah blah... to all the questions i had only one answer .. "mum! i dont want to marry him...i just have crush on him...he is married!!!" well that was the last straw for my poor mother who would have gone headhunting for the author who thought preposterously of treating children like me as friends... she finally said Hey Ram..and even though she was not him, i could see how Mahatma Gandhi must have looked before he fell on the ground and said those famous words... i was no better than Nathuram Godse... me, a 25 year old, grown up daughter of hers had her brains crushed so much and so that she was after a married man... i tried in vain to tell her that i was not in love or something...i just liked him for his personality mooooommmmmmm!!! but she kept on mumbling things, got up to find my horoscope that i had hidden some place that i myself have forgotten where (have to get started to look for grooms... Married Man! oh my god! grumbled my momma)
so Femina, i have to strike out this one to be happy... chances are more that i will land up in hospital over this one.

-- I cant spend astronomical sum of money to make myself any more presentable than what i already am! it doesnt work anyways... i have tried in past and no longer do i wish to loose my purse strings for something that cant make a Catherina Zeta Johns out of Whoppie Goldberg!!!
I had bangs few years ago just to have my look changed (what was i thinking really?) and thats the exact time when the blasted Sony TV decided to copy paste "Ugly Betty" as our very own "Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi"!! i was teased like hell so every morning i would drag myself out of bed ten minutes earlier than usual and try to fix my fringe with as many bobby pins as i could find so by the time i left my house, i was not Jassi but Himali with a Bobby Pin Fence over my head... :(
One thing very luckily noone could convince me to buy was skin lightening product... i just cant stand them... and as my dear dear friend Pranay says "why spend money to be more presentable and keep people happy? Just keep your foul mouth shut and people would think you are nice anyways" so Femina there goes one more habit...

-- There are two types of people inhabiting earth (which balances food chain). first are the ones who eat so that they can live and second, like me, who live so that they can eat.
i cant go on diet however promising it may sound... i would rather keep my tongue and tummy satisfied than my waist (for which it has started complaining). So cant see myself eating breakfast like king, lunch like clerk and dinner like pauper (did i get that correct?). it happens exactly in the reverse order... our 'The Great Warrior of The West' aka Onsite Coordinator grumble about us hitting canteen first and then the link line so by the time we call, he is halfway in la la land and cant make head or tail of what we are talking... so we skip breakfast or by the time we are out of conference room huffing and puffing (dont ask why), its too late for breakfast and even if we have it, it turns out to be brunch which pushes the actual lunch well into early evening, that in turn punches our evening snack in the night..
and when i reach home "dead in night per my mom" she makes sure that i hog hog hog like a pig or else she would slaughter me anyways... ;) so reaching right body mass index is another na na for me to be happiest...

-- Now the most important, As per Femina, whopping 80% people are not happy in their current job. If thats the reason for their unhappy state, it becomes necessary for them to switch either the job or make do with what they have..
now here is something that i dont have to worry about. I LOVE MY JOB! i know sounds weird but i seriously do... i infact am the happiest while battling a nasty deadline... there is adrenaline rush (dont think i am sadist ;)) i love it and enjoy it. at the end of the project when all deliverables meet their fate and a small but cheery mail from PM pops up in my inbox, i feel content and happiest.
My cubicle amazes me like no other. had anyone told me few years back that there could be one place where there is chaos everywhere and still people have hearty laughs, feel-good chats over mugs of coffee, teasing moments, i wouldnt have believed it. Credit of course goes to my sweet (and all married :( ) colleagues. They enlighten me every now and then telling me about How they met, how they got married, how they fought, how they made up (ok not too many details here ;)), how they gave birth to their babies (ok those who have!) , how they feel when their babies cling to them at the end of the day.... it makes me feel happiest always when we are laughing, trying to keep the noise minimal...but someone bursts out in the effort and we literally guffaw not caring two hoots for what our PM would think of us..
when i see them missing their babies, telling me animatedly about small small things that they did over the weekend, complaining adoringly about late nights or no sleep at all, worrying about cough & cold situation...i feel thats the real source of happiness... a baby of your flesh and blood... wow! not even Femina could see this (shame!!). but as i sit there day dreaming about having a baby that looks a lot like 'Emma' of FRIENDS, that the Ross enters...not that i would mind David Schwimmer *blush blush* but yeah..talk about babies and enter Husband...ok, Enter Man...now thats a hugeee price to pay for that 'bundle of joy'. kinda negates the joy actually...especially when you are keeping up late to check on the diaper and he is snoring loudly on the other side...
guess i will have to wait for a few years to want a baby so desperately that i would be ready to pay any price... i am sure my husband wouldnt mind it...men!! they love babies too...especially the making part.. ;)

so all in all, I know as long as i am loving my job, have my parents to keep me grounded and well fed ;), have my soul sister of a friend, lot of other foul weather (and feathered ;)) friends, cheery colleagues, eyes shining beautifully with self confidence, i dont want any dog or boyfriend or spa massage or right BMI or beauty to feel happiest.